AS SOONas he says he could be gone for up to two weeks, my heart sinks and every muscle in my body pulls tight. Two weeks? I try to pull away, but he holds me tighter. Taking a deep breath, I settle against him and ask, “When?”
“Today. In about three and a half hours.”
This time I do pull away, tipping my head back to look up at him. “Today? So soon?”
A slight panic is wrapped around my chest, squeezing my lungs, and I’m trying not to make him feel bad. I don’t want him to be afraid to tell me things because I might break down or throw myself on the floor like a toddler.
“It may not be a whole two weeks, but we prepare for that just in case there are any issues.”
I’ve always known that what Mason does is dangerous, but I’ve got used to that. He’s always done stuff like that. Maybe I’ve just got complacent, assuming he will always be okay. But now my emotions are invested in a totally differentway.
I’m trying to tell my mind that Jax going is no different from Mason going. But my heart wants to throw itself on the floor like a toddler.
While my head is starting to spin in every direction while I pretend like it’s not, his hands slide across my cheeks, pushing my hair back and cupping my face.
“Hey.” His deep voice is soft, moving over me like a caress.
My eyes snap back to his, giving him my attention.
He kisses my forehead. “I may not be here physically.” He leans in and kisses my cheek. “But I’m with you no matter what.” He kisses my other cheek. “You know how to get ahold of Callum if you need to.” His lips brush against mine. “I’ll call you if you need me. Okay?”
I take a breath through my nose and let it out. I know the rules keep them from calling home for safety reasons, and I’m trying so hard not to cry right now.
“Tell me what you’re thinking, lepa.”
My eyes are filling with tears, and his face is getting blurry, no matter how hard I try to fight it, and I roll my eyes while huffing out a fake laugh. “I’m trying not to cry because I don’t want you to feel bad.” A tear slips and he swipes it with his thumb. “But I’m just going to miss you so much.”
His lips tip up and his eyes volley between mine. “Don’t take this the wrong way, ljubavi moja [my love], but you don’t know how happy it makes me to hear that.”
Trying to smile and be strong even though that’s not what I feel right now, I sniff. “I promise I’m not trying to be clingy, and I know the rules, but is it okay if you text me once or twice to let me know you’re okay? At least until I get used to this.”
He pulls me to him again, his big arms wrapping around me, and sets his chin on my head. “I want you to cling to me, lepa, and yes, Callum will let me send a text or two.”
“What’s going on?” Kinley walks into the kitchen yawning, her long blond hair just as wild and tangled as mine. Her short robe is hanging open over her little silk shorts and tank top. She continues her beeline to the coffeepot, her feet sliding lazily across the hardwood.
I sniff again and talk into Jax’s shirt. “They have to go out on a job.”
She leans against the counter and blows her coffee once before tipping it for a sip. “So? They do that all the time.”
She’s right and I huff against his t-shirt as his hand rubs up and down my back. “I know that, I’m just being whiny.”
With another sip, she pushes off the counter and starts to walk out of the kitchen. “Must be that time of the month.”
My body goes stiff as I think of what day it is. I’m late. Then I tally in my head when Jax and I started having sex. But since I’m on the pill, I’m probably just late from the stress of everything that has happened.
“What? What’s wrong?” He asks and pulls back to look down at me.
I shake my head and smile. “Nothing. I need coffee.”
He studies my face for a moment before he brushes his lips against mine and says, “I’m going to go up and start packing my bag. Come up after you get your coffee?”
“Mm-Hm.” I watch him walk out of the kitchen and lean against the island. It’s been almost three weeks since we first had sex, but only for a few days before everything blew up. I smile to myself, we did it a lot for those few days. I shake my head and stop myself from drifting into thoughts of how good he feels.
But I’ve been on the pill since I was sixteen because I cramp so bad.
It’s just because of the stress. I’ll probablystart within a day or two.
The little guest room Jax has been using since he’s been coming here is around the hall from my, Kinley, and Breanna’s rooms. Even though in the past few weeks, he’s spent more time in my room. I pad down the hall with my coffee and lean on the doorframe.
