Well, he had me there.
“Sorry,” I repeated, unsure how to defend myself without making this more than it needed to be. “She heard us. Having sex. She heard me.” Okay, perhaps I was going to attempt a defence after all.
“Then maybe you need to practice being quiet.”
Mike was up on his feet and grabbing my hand to pull me back towards my bedroom and although I wasn’t entirely sure what had just happened, and I was certain things were okay between us, I felt a little uncomfortable.
NOW
“Wasthat typical of you at that time, to just let things slide in order to maintain peace, would you say?”
I laughed. “Not really. I wasn’t confrontational in any way, however, I was, I am again, kind of stubborn, opinionated, and not afraid to challenge where necessary. I don’t think I was ever hostile or arsy with it, but I wasn’t the sort to just shut up and put up until . . .”
“Until?” The counsellor was on a roll.
“Until Mike.”
“Why was that, Danni, or why do you think that might have been?”
“I don’t know, not with certainty. I did like him, he was charming and sweet, kind of old fashioned but not in a dated way . . . he reminded me of my dad, the good things about my dad.”
“Do you think that’s why you trusted him enough to take you home and to stay with you?”
“Yes.” I didn’t pause never mind hesitate. “Not consciously, but believe me, over the last five years I have done a lot of questioning and soul searching and I really did trust him.”
With a nod, a chew on his pencil and a pointed glance, he paused.
“What?”
“I am not suggesting that you didn’t trust him, however, from your own account, there were points during his meeting with your friend when you admit to feeling uncomfortable, and you weren’t looking for a boyfriend or a relationship, were you?”
This guy was good, he came with a good reputation and a hefty price tag and I could see why because he latched on to every minor detail I didn’t even recall sharing.
“Perhaps it is now that I am recognising those things and at the time, while it may have given me a sense of unease or something similar, maybe that was due to the fact that I didn’t really know Mike.”
Yet another nod. “That makes sense and seems perfectly reasonable to me. So, what happened with the two of you? Presumably you overcame those morning after wobbles and continued to see each other?”
“I honestly do not know how we ended up in a relationship because after that morning it was never discussed again and before you could say he’s wrong ‘un, we were very much in a relationship with labels and lots and lots of empty and broken promises.”
THEN
Sittingin the first lecture of the morning, I smiled down at my phone that carried a message from my mother. It was simple and to the point.
Mum: Mike seems lovely and you are perfect together. Don’t be such a stranger once the school year is finished, either of you
I had taken Mike home to visit my family. We’d been seeing each other for almost a year and after Mike had cancelled several visits to meet my parents, I’d finally got him to come with me, and they’d liked him. My brothers and father had been slightly less enthusiastic than my mother, but I was still their princess. I wasn’t sure when I’d be able to get back to see them, alone, or with Mike. I had a few more months before uni would end, and final exams, before starting my foundation. I had already been offered a place at a nearby hospital with a good track record on junior doctors and assuming my exams were passed, which they would be, the next two years would be busy.
A new message hit my screen, Mike.
Mike: Come to mine, I need to fuck you
The bluntness of it startled me briefly. I was okay with the use of language and used to it because Mike usually spoke that way in the context of sex and I liked dirty talk and a dialogue, always had, but his bluntness could come across as cold and hard. This might be the first time he had sent me a message like this though, there wasn’t even a kiss. Discreetly, I replied and hoped he wasn’t going to get pissy, which he did occasionally when my plans didn’t fit in with his. I pushed aside the thought that his pissy moments had become more frequent over the last few weeks, maybe the last couple of months, but then life was busy and we all had stresses. Perhaps as I was approaching the end of the school year and my exams, I was neglecting him and our relationship. This was one of the reasons why I had been determined to remain single until after graduation at least, but somehow, a handsome stranger on the other side of the bar had changed that. I smiled as I thought of him, that guy. I was reading too much into his text and his pissy moments of late and he was a good guy and I loved him, and he loved me.
Me: Hey, I can’t. I have lectures until after 4 and then I have work at half 5
Mike: Then you’re cutting a lecture or going to work late. I went to your parents and spent the whole weekend in a guest room – I haven’t forgotten you refusing to let me touch you so I will see you between uni and work
Shit! Pissy or something similar was in the house. Specifically, I suspected, horny was in the house. We spent a lot of time together. Had done since that first night, and we also had sex often, and it was great, for us both, and when we didn’t have sex, we both missed it, so when my parents made it clear that we wouldn’t be sharing a room during our visit, I’d expected Mike to want to see me, but assumed it would be after work. That’s what I would do – finish uni, head over to work and then head straight to Mike’s later. It was Monday, so I’d be finished by half nine and be at Mike’s by ten. If I had time, I could swing by home before work, grab some sexy underwear to make up for the fact that I’d refused to let him touch me during a walk we’d taken my parents dogs on. Although we’d been out of sight of my parent’s home, it still felt wrong to me. Mike hadn’t been happy but he’d accepted it at the time, if not now.
