“Sorry, but yes. That is how I view his role in your life, but I can accept that he in no way knew what Raymond was or what he might do. I can’t say I will ever respect or understand the choices he made, but we could start over, I could, with him, assuming you intend to see him again.”
“You’d do that, with him?”
“Yes. For you, sweetheart,” I pledge with total and utter commitment to do whatever my girl needs me to. “I love you, Olivia. I want to make you happy and to keep you safe, even when I’m fucking it up.”
She watches me, but at least she’s no longer pacing. She stands no more than a metre and a half away from my position sitting on the edge of the bed and as much as I want to go to her, pull her against me and hold her, I won’t, not until she’s okay. Until she’s sure of my intent.
“I love you too,” she whispers. “Even when you’re fucking it up,” she adds and makes full eye contact with a small smile tugging at her lips. “I didn’t mean to be a bitch about your mum, I like her, even before I knew who she was, and she has always been kind to me. I did mean what I said about your dad, kind of. I’ve told him to watchTaken,” she tells me, and I laugh, not because I think she’s joking but because I believe every word she says.
“I’m sorry for making you sad and angry, but I can’t tell you that I won’t ever do it again when faced with something or someone that has or does pose a danger.” There it is, I’ve said it. I protect what is mine. I fight for what is mine and nothing and no one is more mine than she is. I wait for a response and am unsure what it will be but am edging towards an accepting kind of fuck you, just a small protest.
“I know, and I’m sorry I hit you, even if you deserved it,” is what she says. “I kind of understood what you were saying to my dad, but he was in a difficult position. Raymond would have broken him,” she says tearfully, and I’m unsure if she’s likely to cry for Nigel or herself. “That is what he does, I’ve seen people he’s done it to, men, women, friends, peers and children. He is brutal and maybe my dad sensed how real his threat was.”
“But baby,” I say on an exhale that might just break my heart. “What he did allowed them to break you.”
She shrugs as she steps closer, not stopping until she is standing between my knees then she cups my face and lifts it so that I am looking up at her beautiful eyes that are still glistening from the tears she’s shed but shining with her own unique green and gold colouring and then she speaks and cripples me like I have never been crippled by anyone before.
“Maybe I needed to be broken.”
I am about to interrupt when she places a finger over my lips and continues to speak.
“Maybe I needed to be broken,” she repeats. “For one simple and beautiful, life changing reason. So that you could put me back together again.”
The uttering of her words hit me like a sucker punch to the guts that leaves me doubled over, more crippled than I had previously been and I have no clue what to say, think or do anymore but my girl has no such issues. She removes her finger from my lips and replaces it with her lips that are soft, sweet, gentle and loving. I wonder how I ever got this lucky as she straddles my lap and begins to run her fingers through my hair.
Chapter 46
Olivia
Mason and I are naked and lying on the bed. I’m on top of him as we kiss in a tangle of arms, legs, lips, tongues and loud breaths. It seems strange to think that in the kitchen we ended up so annoyed and angsty with each other, retaliating to each other’s words, increasing the potency of them with each sentence uttered. I was furious and hurt in equal parts and needed to get away and this is where I came to. I didn’t head for the lift or one of the guest bedrooms, but here, our bedroom where I lay down and cried until I woke up to the sound of Mase pacing on the other side of the door.
Smiling to myself, I remember his face when I unexpectedly opened the door. He was shocked to find me there and when he took in my teary face, he looked guilty as sin which I thought would have, should have given me a sense of victory or at least satisfaction, it didn’t, quite the opposite. It hurt me to see him in pain and caused me a sense of guilt.
We had both contributed to the situation in the kitchen. Mase had gone on a fullyou are my woman and I will protect youroutine and, in some attempt, to defend my dad I retaliated with unpleasant comments about his mother, if not his father.
Seeing and hearing him once he had entered the bedroom, explaining how he felt about me, how he saw other people’s roles in everything that had happened to me made perfect sense because he was right; my mother had facilitated continued abuse by not believing me or intervening in some way and Raymond and my doctor had fully utilised my isolation and abused their positions by abusing me. That left my dad who I could have confided in had he remained in touch but he hadn’t and I did understand why, but Mase had been right that I, me and Scott as his children should have been his priority like I am Mason’s priority and of that I really do have no doubt.
He had readily accepted that his choice of words had been wrong and had directly led to my feeling that he was comparing what he and I did to what had been done to me, and I now acknowledged that I had misunderstood the meaning behind them and he accepted that he needed to be more mindful of his kneejerk reactions.
Mase breaks our kiss, skimming his hands to my behind that he is cupping and caressing.
“You are so beautiful, baby.” I move in to kiss him again. “Livy,” he says before my lips reach his. “I want you so badly.” Then he is moving his hands and preparing to roll me over onto my back.
“No, I want to make love to you,” I declare and immediately he moves his hands.
“What should I do?” He wears a small grin and along with a quirk of his eyebrows it makes me laugh.
“Nothing. You just need to lie there and think happy thoughts.”
“Happy thoughts while we’re both naked on a bed, no problem. Just lying here while you’re within my reach could be a challenge though.”
“Try, please.”
He smiles. “No promises.” With his hands now behind his head I prepare to make love to him, like I never have before.
I begin my seduction, if that’s what it is by kissing Mase again, his lips, jaw and then with gentle, delicate lips I trace a path down his neck, adding the occasional nip as I travel lower until I am faced with his nipples. Unsure exactly what to do now I run my hands up Mase’s arms, squeezing and stroking his firm biceps that I feel flexing beneath my touch. At the same time, I begin to tease his nipples, first one and then the other with soft flicks of my tongue then slightly firmer ones until I feel them stiffen before I graze them with my teeth and finally I suck them.
Mase’s hands that been behind his head are now fisting the bed covers at his side making me feel that my inexperienced moves are working on my very experienced boyfriend. Dragging my tongue lower I lick my way down the middle of his torso, pausing briefly to dip the tip of my tongue in his naval just because it feels good when he does it to me. The short hiss I hear signifies that it feels good to him too, or it might just be that it’s quite obvious where my mouth is heading as I dance down Mase’s happy trail.
