“I dunno,” I admit honestly. “They accused you of child abuse?” I ask on a sob that is both ironic and sad.
My dad nods at me. “I swear on everything I hold precious I didn’t Livy, never, I wouldn’t,” he protests and although tears are freely running down my face, I believe him.
“I know.” I really am certain in the knowledge that the accusations made were deliberate, malicious and had the desired effect of removing my father from my life, possibly meaning I was not a one off for Raymond. “I believe you, Dad.”
He looks beyond relieved at my assurances and he has actual tears in his eyes, tears of relief, I think.
“Raymond was, is manipulative in the extreme…”
“Livy, he told me he had people waiting to make statements to the police, saying they had seen me, that I had touched their children,” my dad repeats from his earlier recount of events.
“I bet he did.” Mase shakes his head and mutters. “He is some piece of work.” He is seething now. “To invite you to take him on, with that of all fucking things.”
My dad looks momentarily confused by Mason’s anger.
“I had no choice but to do as they wanted and to leave you, you and Scott. I didn’t especially like Raymond, but I knew you and Scott were happy and safe.” My dad is still justifying his part in his leaving of us and for the first time I really feel sorry for him. Not so much about the way he was treated by Raymond and my mother but because I know I am going to blow his reason for allowing himself to be blackmailed out of the water once he knows that while I might have been happy when he left I clearly wasn’t safe.
Mase and I exchange a glance which is enough for my dad to see he is missing something.
“What?” he asks nervously.
“There’s a doctor, he’s been in the news, Conrad Mathers.”
I wait for any recognition, and while I wait, I squeeze Mase’s hand more tightly, knowing this won’t be pleasant. He gently strokes his thumb across my knuckle, soothing me, reassuring me and I am thankful for his presence in my life, but also that he is here with me now, doing this with my dad. More grateful that he’s allowed me to do this alone, to take the lead which I know is difficult for him.
When I look back at my dad, I can see that he knows who or at least what Conrad Mathers is.
“No,” he says with a firm shake of his head.
“He was my doctor,” I confirm.
“And?” he asks but seems at a loss for more words.
“Yes.” I nod. “He abused me.” There’s no nice way I can think of to say that.
“Did you tell your mother, or Raymond?”
And there it is. He still thinks he left me in a safe place with good people and now I am going to shatter his clear conscience into a million pieces.
“Dad, it was Raymond that took me to the doctor. They were friends, had very similar tastes.” I really hope he doesn’t need further explanation because I’m unsure if I’ll be able to give it to him.
The tears that were in my father’s eyes earlier are now breaching their containment and running down his face as he sobs betweensorry, please forgive meandthis is my fault.
No. He doesn’t need further explanation, just a tissue and maybe, a hug.
Chapter 43
Mason
This is heart-breaking to watch. He took the decision to leave his children, he left them in the hands of a dangerous man who has used, hurt and scared my girl, his girl. Shit, I don’t like that thought, that she is anyone else’s girl because she is mine, only mine. I know I’m being harsh and a little judgemental, but he left them, plain and simple.
I am just about to have a word with myself when he does that thing Olivia does, the thing that fucking kills me, his face is folding and bending, just like hers does. Something else she’s got from him and now I am watching as she gets to her feet and crosses the room to where he’s sitting, and she hugs him. She’s fucking amazing, comforting him when it should be her who is on the receiving end of comfort while he should feel guilt for leaving her and never looking back. This really does beggar belief and the fact that she, the victim is trying to make him feel better suddenly rankles.
“Did you never think to go back, to check on them?” For that question I receive a furious glare from Olivia and from him a look that screams guilt, sorrow and total and utter horror.
“Yes, but I was worried about what would happen…to me. I am so, so sorry Livy. I never thought.” He cries again and for that I get a look that tells me that we, Olivia and I are going to have the mother of all fights when we are alone.
Petulantly, I wonder if I can ask Nigel to refrain from calling her Livy. It bothers me, makes me jealous that she was someone’s Livy before mine. My inner voice openly laughs but it can fuck off, it really can. My self-respect where my need to be my girl’s number one in everything got up and left some time ago.
