He looks at me with a happy and excited expression, but his eyes look a little nervous. Suddenly it’s like nobody else is here, it’s just the two of us, and then I realise what is going on; why we’re at this restaurant, why our families are present and why he is on his knees, specifically down on one knee. Fuck! This is huge and I have no idea how to process it or how to respond.
“Anita,” he repeats. “I never thought this would happen to me…but it has.” He takes a deep, and I suspect, calming breath. “From the second I laid eyes on you, my world was shook, rocked to the core and although it was a shock and I fought it…”
I hear light laughter around us, but I don’t respond in any way. My focus is on Dec and only Dec.
“…it is the best thing to ever happen. You are the best thing to ever happen to me and now I’ve had a taste of life with you, I am unprepared to live it without you. Anita, will you marry me?”
I knew it was coming, or at least suspected that’s where this was going and somehow, it was still a shock when those final four words registered in my mind.
He is still on one knee, his expression becoming more concerned as the seconds of silence stretch out before us when I notice the most beautiful ring in his hand. A cluster of diamonds around the most perfect ruby.
I have no clue how long the silence has lasted, but I know I need to say something. What do I say? What do I want to say?
Chapter 27
Declan
Here I am kneeling on the floor in the restaurant, surrounded by our closest family members with an engagement ring in my hand while Anita simply stares down at me. I am hot, sweating and that is partly down to the heat of the room but more to do with the panic that she has yet to answer me.
My heart is hammering away in my chest, and I swear if she doesn’t put me out of my misery soon with a response, I am going to vomit. Panic is beginning to surge within me, causing me to take a succession of deep breaths.
Why the fuck did I choose to do it this way? I should have made this a private moment to allow her to say no. Instead, I invited everyone here to witness the magical moment of my proposal and Anita’s subsequent acceptance and desire to be my wife. Briefly, my mind goes to Amber, my last proposal—that worked out so well for me, didn’t it? I can’t believe that I have put myself in this position and opened myself up to another rejection. The last one was bad enough, so much so that I barely survived it and I know that my feelings for Anita and the future I want with her are far more than those I had for Amber. If she says no—if she rejects me, I won’t survive it, not this time. The truth there is that if she rejects me, I won’t want to survive.
The knee I am down on is going to sleep and the other leg feels as though it is seizing up, and that along with what I am sure is the sound of tumbleweed blowing around me is enough for me to prepare to stand up and end this painfully long moment for all of us. With a final glance up at Anita, I see tears welling in her eyes while her lip begins to quiver. Is she sad? Has my proposal saddened her or is this one of those moments were what we associate with sadness is the opposite? My gaze is fixed on hers and in that moment, I am frozen to the spot, all thoughts of getting up gone.
I watch on as her lips begin to move and as I see them making the shapes of sounds, I hear nothing. This is what I imagine it feels like when you have been subjected to an unprotected loud noise, like a rocket taking off or a bomb exploding. Then, as if rain clouds lifting to make way for the sunshine, her voice breaks through the fuzziness of my mind.
“Yes.”
I stare and although I think I heard correctly, I’m not sure. I need confirmation. “What?”
She laughs as do others around the table. I hear Mase mutter something about me being a dickhead.
“Yes,” Anita repeats.
There is no planning or thought that goes into the next seconds. I am sliding the ring on her finger and rather than getting to my feet and pulling her to hers, I am reaching for her to pull her into my lap where I hold her tight, then allow her to sit back slightly, allowing me to brush her hair back before tenderly cupping her face and pulling it back in to kiss her. Gently, unrushed and loving rather than passionate.
Eventually, we are on our feet and receiving the congratulations of everyone around us. The whole family seem genuinely pleased for us, even Nigel, although that might be because I asked his permission a few days before. I thought he might like the idea of me deferring to him and somehow letting him think he had any say in this. The truth is that I hadn’t fully thought that idea through until I was telling Mase who had asked what I would do if Nigel said no. I hadn’t even considered that despite him still not being overly keen on me being his daughter’s boyfriend. If he had said no my proposal would not have been as public and possibly not tonight, but there is no doubt in my mind that I would still have proposed to Anita and now I am even more certain that she would have said yes.
Liv leans in and kisses me, congratulates me but it sounds less than happy, almost sympathetic. She stretches across me to look at Anita’s hand. She gushes over the ring, but that’s as far as it goes and then she sits back down. What the fuck is her problem? Before I debate asking her just that, Mase is giving me a hug and a back slap as he repeats his earlier dickhead comment and something about thinking Anita was going to say no. We both laugh until I make a dig about the fact that Liv turned down his proposal first time. At that point I am the only one laughing but I couldn’t give a fuck because this is the best night of my life and only the beginning of my life with Anita as my fiancée and then my wife.
Scott, Liv’s brother shakes my hand and mutters words of congratulations, but it sounds a little lacklustre. Soon enough, he takes the seat next to Liv and watching them together, I can see they each look uncomfortable. It’s then I decide that their reactions are down to the fact they’re both Carringtons and as such were in that freaky church, so it must be that causing their underwhelmed behaviour.
With greetings and words of happiness all exchanged, we take our seats again where mine and Anita’s mothers waste no time in discussing plans. dresses, flowers, colour schemes, venues and dates. All things I hadn’t really considered. I look towards my brother who seems to know this judging by the grin he is aiming at me. His attention only leaves me when Liv releases a low grumble whilst rubbing a hand across her belly.
“You okay there?” Mase sounds concerned.
“Yeah. The baby is just lying in an awkward position I think.”
“You’re sure?” My mother is preparing to get up from her seat. To do what, I’m not too sure.
Liv waves her concerns away. “Absolutely. It’s those practice contraction things too.”
“Braxton Hicks,” my sister, Bethy, throws in.
“Yeah, that’s them. They’re worse at night and have been breaking my sleep a little.” She yawns. “In fact, it’s about an hour past my bedtime.”
Mase is already on his feet, congratulating me again, before offering Anita his genuine and heartfelt commiserations. Yet, I am the dickhead.
