“Okay, let me check my schedule and we can take a break, maybe in a few weeks or a month or so,” agreed Jim.
“I want to go home now.” Tasha was unsure why the urge to go back to London was so strong.
Patiently and calmly while pushing her hair back off her face, Jim nodded. “For how long?”
“I don't know.” Her reply was honest and immediate as was Jim's expression that changed from empathy to annoyance.
“You are not leaving me. Not over this. Not because of him,” he snapped firmly.
“No, I don't think that's what I mean,” Tasha told him, unsure just what she did mean.
“But you want to go to London without me for an unknown period, maybe an extended period, am I getting this right?”
Tasha nodded her confirmation of his summary.
“Well, there may be some delay; you'll need to arrange a flight, and wean Connor from the breast and hire a nanny, although I can do that once you're gone I guess,” Jim said with a flat tone and a blank face.
“What? He doesn't need weaning and we don't need a nanny.” Tasha was confused by talk of a nanny and weaning and concerned by her husband’s calm acceptance of what she was asking for.
“No, we don't, but he does.” Jim gestured in the direction of their son's nursery and expanded, “While you’re taking your London sabbatical or whatever the fuck it is you think you're doing, Connor will need looking after and unfortunately I work so can't do it myself and if your breasts are in London and his mouth is in L.A. then we have a problem if he's not weaned.”
Tasha could feel she was staring at her husband as she realised what he was saying to her. “James—” she began, but he cut her off.
“No! Not a fucking chance in hell, Tasha. He is my son and apart from the fact that he doesn't have a passport I won’t have him in London indefinitely with you while I am out here. Especially when, by your own admission, you don't even know whether you plan on leaving me, although I can assure you you're not, but Connor is going nowhere under those circumstances. You have to know this.” He rose from the bed, jumping to his feet and staring down at her wide-eyed expression looking up at him.
Moving into a sitting position Tasha spoke. “I want to takemybaby tomyhome to see where I am from and to meetmypeople.” She overemphasised each and everymy.
“But you don't know for how long, or why or whether you plan on coming back, so it’s not gonna happen. What people? Which of your people haven't met him yet?” he suddenly asked.
“My grandparents, Dan and Pippa would love to see him again, for real, not remotely, and then there's Angie, some old friends, and Aiden, and Gerry.”
“You want to ship him off to Blighty to meet your ex-boyfriends? That is hardly a winning argument, Natasha.” Jim’s tone had surpassed flat and was currently surly and determined.
“No! Fuck this bullshit, Jim. I am going to get Connor a passport and take him home,” she snapped back jumping to her feet, knowing that with the emotive subject and the shouting they were both moving towards this was likely to be a major argument.
“No, you're fucking not! He stays here, you are staying here, this is home, for you and him, so unless you can give me a reason why this trip can't wait for me to come too, well, the bullshit that is this conversation is well and truly over.”
“You are so fucking unreasonable,” she cried, heading towards the door but somehow her path was blocked by Jim.
“No, if I was being unreasonable I would be quoting our pre-nup just about now, so it's you that's being unreasonable, Tasha, not me. Give me a fucking reason!” He stood before her, breathing heavy, barely keeping a lid on his emotions and remained unmoveable despite her attempts to move him.
“I don't know,” she screamed. “I just do. I want to go somewhere and be safe from everything, somewhere familiar,” she cried and allowed even more tears to flow as she dropped to the floor before her stunned looking husband. “James, I am so sorry. I should never have gone today and I should never have allowed you to meet him, to see me like that. To see the person I was. I just have an overpowering urge to run away, to my home town so that if, when, the shit hits the fan again I won’t embarrass you, hurt you or worst of all I won’t have to stand by while you realise how wrong you were to marry me. To decide that what we have isn't enough and you leave me, or make me leave because I have nowhere to go other than London and you'll never let me take Connor. I know that. Tonight has proved that and I can't ever leave him. He is my baby. The one good thing I am responsible for. The one thing in this world that makes my life worthwhile and of value,” she sobbed with wracking cries that shook her whole body.
“What? You are one seriously fucking crazy lady, Natasha Maybury.” He dropped to his knees, putting him directly before her. Pulling her towards him he tilted her head so she had no choice but to look at him. His heart lurched at the sight of her, hurt, sad and ever so slightly devastated by the day if not her whole life, but his heart swelled a little too at the idea that the level of dread and pain at losing him and their son had literally brought her to her knees, physically and emotionally. “Let your no good father do his worst, neither he nor any revelations he can make will embarrass or hurt me. You don't need to run anywhere, other than here, home, to me and as for one of us leaving because I should never have married you, well you couldn't be more wrong about that; marrying you is the one thing I got right, possibly the first thing, the one good thing that makes my life worthwhile and of value.” He chose his words deliberately, throwing her own words back at her.
She blinked, several times, the absorption of his words beginning to calm her.
He continued, “And although unexpected, our son is the second. I love all of my children and yet Connor brings with him something extra. Maybe because I’m older, or because he was born from the greatest, purest love I have ever known, I don't know, but you won’t ever have to leave him, baby, because you are never going anywhere. It's you and me forever, I thought we'd agreed that. Our family is forever and you do not get to leave me in order to protect me from your past. I know your past and it’s shocking that you endured it, more shocking that you survived it, but it doesn't scare me. Oh, and as far as meeting your father with you today, he was even more disgusting than I’d anticipated. I so wish I could have punched him, punched him really hard, and you—I don't think I have ever been prouder of you than I was in that room with him, honey.”
“Really?” asked Tasha disbelievingly.
“Abso-fucking-lutely. Now let's get off the floor and get you cleaned up and then you sleep a while. When you wake up we can talk about London, but together, all three of us and no matter where you are I’m going to keep you safe, Tasha. Nothing is going to hurt you anymore, baby, okay?”
“Yes,” she whispered hoarsely as she allowed him to pick her up from the floor to lead her to the bathroom where he pulled a wash cloth from a drawer and proceeded to clean her tear stained face before stripping her and depositing her back in bed, but under the covers and alone this time.
Tasha was already falling into a deep, exhaustion fuelled sleep before Jim left the room. He checked on Connor before going downstairs where he turned on the baby monitor and smiled at the sound of his son's soft snoring as he poured himself a large glass of bourbon.
“Cheers,” he said to himself as he drank half of it in one mouthful and hissed as the liquor burned his throat. “And goodbye Mr Bailey,” he said with the other half of his drink. “And welcome back damaged, Natasha Winters,” he added as he slammed his glass down on the kitchen counter.
