“Yeah, fine, and these things can’t be rushed.”
“I was a little too crazy for him I think,” she admitted making Jim smile at her.
“I like the idea of being the only man who can deal with you and your craziness.” He sounded smug at the idea of being the only one able to deal with her full stop.
“James?”
“Natasha?” His tone was playful.
“We didn't talk about number two, did we?”
“Did we need to?” His expression became tighter suddenly.
“Sorry. It's just being here, about to have a baby and being pregnant. I’ve thought about her lately and you must have some feelings about what Mickie said.”
“It was a long time ago, Tasha.” He sighed, leaning back in his chair, pushing a hand through his hair. “I was at the point of apathy about my marriage to Vanessa and then Mickie drops the bombshell she’d previously had an issue with drugs and blackmailed her into aborting my child. Honestly, I have no clue how to deal with that or how to feel. My marriage would never have lasted but she should have told me. I would have freaked out, no way that I wouldn't have with all the facts, but she would have kept the baby and not perpetuated the lies. And I would have cut Mickie loose at that point too. You would never have had to deal with her, honey.”
“I'm sorry.” Tasha adjusted her position until she was standing up, leaning over the bed and swaying, desperate to ease her husband’s sadness and guilt.
“You have nothing to be sorry about. This is not of your doing, none of it. You were a child yourself when this was all happening, dealing with your own family shit. God, that sounds wrong, that you were a child when my wife was aborting my baby,” he told her as he stood behind her, wrapping an arm around her, kissing her neck that was exposed courtesy of her hair being up in a ponytail.
“I'm sorry it's come back to confuse you and has made you sad. And Mickie, she was crazy enough to have refused to be cut loose and that is not and never will be your fault.” Tasha reassured Jim with a stroke of his arm.
“You are too good for me in every way, baby,” he replied with another kiss, to her cheek this time.
“Hardly, I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you so we might have to agree to disagree. Have you considered contacting Vanessa and telling her that you know? Telling her what you've just told me?” Tasha asked, moving conversation away from who did or didn’t deserve the other as another contraction landed, resulting in her gripping Jim's hand firmly.
“Why?” He sucked up her pain with her. “To make amends? Make friends? I don't think so, honey. She killed my child, that's not something I can forgive. Jeez, she didn't even discuss it with me.”
“I know.” Tasha turned so she faced him and with her arms linked around his neck continued. “We both know how manipulative Mickie could be, Jim. I just thought it might help you to contact her and say I know what you did, it was wrong, you should have told me, but now I know. Sorry, it's not my business, but I don't want you to be angry or sad about it and I think you are.”
“You want me to forgive her, to say it's okay?” He was as confused by Tasha’s words and suggestion as he was at the idea of finding it in his heart to forgive his ex-wife.
“No. I want you to be able to tell her she was wrong, but it's done and you understand how persuasive Mickie could be. That you and she were never going to work if she couldn't be honest with you.”
“You are amazing, honey. Amazing and honest beyond belief and that is what all of my previous marriages lacked, the total honesty. All the shit you've been through and yet you told me it all, openly and concisely. You refused to be moulded and broken by it. When you found out you were pregnant I know you were shocked and scared, but at no point did you try and hide the fact that you were considering all options.”
“I would never have got rid of our baby, James. I promise,” she replied tearfully as she recalled her horror at being pregnant and her declaration that she couldn't have a baby. “But this baby was not the cystitis diagnosis I’d anticipated.”
“I know.” He laughed. “Although I got the blame for the cystitis too, didn't I?” More seriously he said, “I would never have allowed you to make a decision as a knee jerk reaction, but it's the fact that you immediately said it to me, not your friends or your ob/gyn. It was me you told that you didn't feel ready for a baby and now look at us,” he said with a grin as a longer and stronger contraction arrived. “And this is like no cystitis I have ever known. I will think about finding Vanessa,” he conceded, helping Tasha to sit on the edge of the bed.
“I know you must have had some doubts about my intentions when I first found out. I mean, I'd already had one termination.” Nervous tears threatened to fall.
“No, no, honey. That was completely different,” insisted Jim.
“I know, but first I react badly to being pregnant and now I am almost defending your former wife who did exactly as I did—”
“Natasha, you need to stop that now or we're going to have a problem because what you did and your reasons for doing so were completely different to Vanessa's so stop, okay?”
“Thank you and I’m really glad that we’re here, together, having a baby. I do keep thinking if Mickie had even suspected I was pregnant things could have turned out differently. Very, very different.”
“But she didn’t, and they didn’t. Now enough of these dark thoughts, you just focus on positive, happy baby thoughts.”
“Okay. Will you go and check on Philip please? He can come in if he wants to.” She smiled.
“I'll be two minutes. Don't go having this baby without me,” he told her with a smirk as he left.
****
