Jim stood, quite literally between the two of them and unsure who needed his support the most he reached out with both hands and grabbed a hand of each of them.
“I just wanted to make things okay for Danielle and her baby,” Lizzie said, somehow still maintaining the fact she’d acted appropriately.
“And what about me, me and my baby, your brother?” Tasha almost screamed. “You know how tough I found being pregnant and dealing with motherhood and I love Connor, I wouldn't change anything now, we’ve talked about this, but that does not mean that I want another baby in eight months’ time. Even if I did that would be down to me and your dad to decide when and how, not you. With the best will in the world my time with Connor would be compromised by the addition of another baby, especially one I hadn’t carried, one I would feel the need to bond with so that he never ever felt second best. If we had decided to bring a new baby into our family we would prepare for that, but we didn’t decide, you did.” Tasha sounded calmer as tears began stinging the back of her eyes. “I am not the hired help, Lizzie. Here to make your life and the lives ofyour peopleeasier and more convenient, to fit in with what you deem necessary. Or maybe I am, in your mind,” she said with the first of her tears escaping now.
“Tash,” began Lizzie before Jim pulled Tasha towards him and kissed the top of her head before she pulled away and stepped back.
“No! This is not okay and I am unsure if things will ever be okay again. Just when I think I am settled with people who love me for me, who respect and value me, I get shafted and used all over again and I have been used all of my life. I finally thought I’d found a place where I mattered, really mattered for me, for who I am not just what I can do or provide for someone else.” Tears ran down her face quicker than her hands could wipe them away.
“Baby, I get that you're angry, so am I, but don't do this, not when you’re hurt. Not like this,” Jim pleaded, pulling her back to him, holding his wife a little tighter.
“Then you do it. You make this right if you think that’s even a possibility,” she snapped. “I'm going to check onmybaby.” Tasha pulled away from Jim's hold again as she overemphasised the wordmyand followed the route Sandra had taken with the slam of a door leaving Jim and Lizzie facing each other.
“Daddy, I didn't mean to make Tasha angry,” Lizzie said, crying too as her father pulled her into the space his wife had just vacated.
“That may be so, sweetie, but Tasha's anger is not really the problem. The problem is how hurt she is. How you've hurt her by manipulating her the way you did,” Jim explained. “She, Tasha, has been manipulated all of her life for other people's gain and she thought she'd found a place, I thought she’d found a place too, here, with us where that wouldn't be the case, but now, you've kind of proven that's not the case. That’s what she was saying.”
“Oh, Daddy, I am so sorry. I never meant for it to be like this. I just thought because Danielle is too young to have a baby and a termination must be a horrible thing to go through. I get how scared Tasha was before Connor was born, but now she is the best mom I know, and I figured Danielle’s baby would be lucky to have her like we all are. I love Tasha but she won’t let me apologise, she won’t let me speak even.”
“Because she's angry and hurt. Let her calm down a while and then try again and if it makes you feel any better, she wouldn't be so angry or hurt if she didn't love you too.” Jim pulled his daughter closer into his embrace to hug her tightly. “I love that you care enough about your friend to try and fix things, and you are right about Tasha and Connor, but if you ever pull a stunt like that again it won’t be Tasha's anger you'll be dealing with, do we understand each other?”
“Yes, Daddy,” she agreed.
Chapter 28
Waking up in London gave Tasha an unexpected thrill, even though it was only half past three in the morning and she was awake courtesy of jet lag. Making a cup of tea, Tasha didn't hear anyone follow her into her grandparent's kitchen.
“Tasha, I wondered who was down here,” came her grandmother's voice.
“Sorry if I woke you. I can't sleep, jet lag, although, Jim and Connor are fast.”
“Is Jim happy staying here? He looked a little uncomfortable.” Celia smiled as Tasha added a second teabag to another cup.
“He's fine, Gran. He likes his own space and is used to staying in his own place or hotels of his choosing, but I think he understands that staying here with you makes more sense because it will allow us to see plenty of you. Dan is here and we can assess what's going on with him and Connor’s needs will be met far easier in a home than a hotel room.”
Tasha smiled across at her worried looking grandmother. What she’d said was true and once her grandparents had offered to put them up and Tasha had expressed her desire to stay with them Jim had cancelled the hotel booking he’d made.
“I can't believe how much he's changed in real life as opposed to via the internet,” shrieked Celia, gesturing towards a photo of Connor on the fridge door.
“I know, it amazes me every day how much he's changed,” smiled Tasha proudly.
“So, what happens with Dan? I can't deny how worried I am, but I really can't forbid him from seeing your parents, can I?” asked a concerned Celia.
“No, of course not.” Tasha sighed. “Jim would disagree though,” she added, nervously toying with the ends of her hair before expanding. “He thinks Dan has to make a choice. That he can't have us, me, him and Connor, supporting him if he chooses to keep them in his life.”
“How do you feel about that, Tasha?” asked her grandmother, clearly concerned for all of her grandchildren.
“Torn. I love Dan and I know just how manipulative Mum and Dad can be, but I don't understand what they have that could be used to manipulate him if he didn't want to build bridges with them. Jim is adamant that he can't have both of us, which I understand because he's my husband and loves me and has seen first-hand what lengths they'll go to in order to get cash. I'm struggling though, Gran. I don't know that I can cut Dan off and if he does cut them off at my say so, Jim's say so, whether that makes us as bad as them for manipulating him to do things we want.”
“Oh, Tasha. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you, darling. When we cut ties with your mother it was the hardest thing we ever did, but it was for the best. Best for us and we hoped it would force her hand, but it just made her stubborn and more determined to prove us wrong. I think she still is, even now, after everything they've done. I wanted to save her. She is my only child. It was horrendous. You can't imagine cutting her off like that, but your grandfather was like Jim, straight choice, us or him. She chose him and we had to accept that, no matter how hard it was. That's not to say we didn't make mistakes. We failed you children, you especially and I will always regret that, we both will.”
“It wasn't your fault, Grandma. Really it wasn't,” reassured Tasha. “Travis says Dan is struggling to find a path, unlike Pippa and I know Mum would see that and use it to her advantage, especially with Dad guiding her from prison visits.”
“I suppose.”
“Dad asked me to let Mum see Connor when I visited him in prison,” revealed Tasha to a stunned Celia.
“What? What did you say? What did Jim say?” Celia shook her head at the sheer nerve of such a request.
