“Mickie is an old friend. She dated Bobby, they were engaged and she is Helen’s sister, so we’ve stayed in touch all these years and although I knew she liked me, there was never any more, until we were on holiday last summer.”
“I see,” said Tasha, not seeing at all.
“Lizzie had heat stroke and was really unwell so when everybody went off to explore I stayed behind and Mickie stayed behind too. Lizzie eventually went to sleep and...” his voice trailed off.
“And you screwed her!” she spat at him. “With Lizzie there and unwell, you screwed her! You are something else. What if she had woken up and found you together? Isn’t it me who is the inappropriate one?” she asked sarcastically.
“I’m not proud of it, Tasha, and you can lose the language. You know my feelings on people, girlfriends meeting my kids, but she didn’t find us together and I thought it was just a one-time thing, but we met up after that when we were both free. We were both single and it was very casual, like you and Aiden.”
He was right, it was like her and Aiden, although he had been less than happy about that as she and her arse recalled. She also remembered her own reluctance to acknowledge to Jim who Aiden was, what he had been, but she had, unlike him.
“When did you last sleep together?”
“Before us, before I went to New York. When I met you I had planned to see her on the Sunday that I flew back to L.A. but I called her and told her what we’d had was over, run its course.I told her I’d met someone I thought I could build a proper future with.”
She could feel her resolve to stay mad with him disappearing as she realised he may have fallen for her before she had realised she’d fallen for him.
“Really, that soon?”
“I told you in London, Tasha, you were never just the girl I was fucking. From that first night you were so much more, from our first conversation.” He smiled at her.
She returned his smile. “I’m not like you, Jim. I’ve discovered this jealous streak, but I don’t need to control you. I don’t have to know every girl you have ever shagged, just the more significant ones, but when you lie to me, even lies of omission—” Her use of his own phrase against him was deliberate. “I get worried and nervous, insecure even because I don’t understand the need to lie about Mickie. When you found out about Aiden you could have confessed to your own fuck buddy and when the holiday idea came up you could have said,hey, she was my fuck buddy. I deserved better than to have that woman turn up out of the blue when I thought she was a man and then for her to try and tell me I was nothing, just anotherlittle friendand that she was so much more. Your sister didn’t help either, but I was hurt and upset by you,” she said and suddenly felt tears stinging her eyes.
“Oh, honey. I had no idea she would turn up last night, but she is in no doubt that you are everything, not nothing,” he said, which was enough for the tears to fall.
“That really isn’t the point, James, quite the opposite.” She brushed the tears off her cheeks.
“No, I know. I should have told you, you’re right, but don’t cry, please don’t cry, baby,” he pleaded, but the more he beseeched her not to, the more she did.
He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her which infuriated her. This was not going to be resolved by a hug. He needed to fully accept his deceit and in turn be sorry, really sorry. Sorry enough that there would be no repeating his mistake. She pushed him away and as much as she didn’t want him to envelop her in his embrace she immediately missed his arms and the security they never failed to provide her with. Her crying increased as she began to pace, annoyance and anxiety rolling off her in waves.
“I thought we had agreed that you would share more with me about your past and she is part of that. She is part of your present because she is still your friend. This is not fair. You think because you’ve explained it that it’s okay,” she shouted. “It isn’t. If the situation had been reversed you would have flipped out and it would have all been about my own doing and appropriateness, but because it’s you it’s okay. You haven’t even told me what you said to her last night. This is where I get confused and it makes me question whether I really I am too young and inexperienced to deal with all of this shit. I need to think, I need to get out, now!” She headed for the front door.
“Tasha, where are you going?” he asked, concerned, following her until he was blocking her path to the door.
“Out. I don’t know. I just need to clear my head.”
“I’ll come with you.” He sounded even more concerned now, unsure what to say or do to make this right. He couldn’t lose her, not over this, not over Mickie. She had been a friend and he hoped she could continue to be that, but anything else was over.
“No!” When she looked at his worried expression she felt guilty. In spite of his wrong doing she was the one who felt guilty and whilst that pissed her off she didn’t blame Jim for that. “You’re the thing that I need to clear from my head. I will take my phone and my passport is upstairs so I’m not doing a runner, Jim. I just need some breathing space.”
He nodded, reluctantly. “Take my car and call or text if you need to. If you need me.”
“I don’t want to take your car. I’ll walk, but I have my phone.” She left the house before she caved in and allowed him to talk her round or escort her.
She was halfway down the lane when she realised she was crying again and was still without an answer as to why Jim had lied to her about Mickie; he’d apologised and acknowledged his error, but without a reason for it. Why had he not been honest about Mickie? He was generally honest about things, she believed that. She realised that his honesty was usually when she asked him questions, but she had never thought to ask,is Mickie a woman and is she your fuck buddy?She had been in relationships before, but not with someone like Jim and that’s what she meant when she suggested she was too young and inexperienced for this, not the actual relationship with Jim, but all of the complications of a relationship with a man who had a past like he had.
She found that after walking for what felt like a hundred miles she was at a coffee shop and it was there that she realised she hadn’t brought her purse with her, but having rummaged through her pockets found a $20 bill so ordered a cappuccino. She sat and watched the world passing by in front of her; families, couples, some happy, some sad, groups of girls looking at boys and vice versa, she could even spot the dads with their kids on visitation days.
A lady came to the table where she sat. “May I?” She gestured to the seat opposite Tasha.
“Sure.” Tasha smiled, confirming her ease at being joined by the other woman but curious that this lady had chosen to sit with her when there were other tables unoccupied.
“Sorry. I wouldn’t normally intrude, but I’m tired of being on my own just now.”
“It’s fine. Sometimes it’s good to be alone, other times even the company of a stranger is better than your own.”
“Hi, I’m Gail.”
