“I have to…school,” I blurt.
Romeo is the picture of relaxation as I flounder against him, pulling myself upright.
I don’t think I’ve ever moved so awkwardly in my life as I scuttle to my room.
I head directly for the shower, desperate to wash away my humiliation. But as I close my eyes and let the water rush over me, the memory of a dream resurfaces.
Warm fingers grazing my cheek, rough words whispered against my ear.
“Sempre così dolce, piccola… anche quando mi fai impazzire.”
14
ROMEO
[ENTRY 004] — ANOMALY DETECTED
> Variable: her gaze exceeded baseline by five seconds.
> Status: encryption disintegrating.
> Rewriting code to accommodate deviation.
> Risk level: escalating.
> Action: postpone patch. Increase proximity.
It’s beena while since my body has hijacked me to this degree, but it’s not completely unexpected. I never get complacent during the good stretches, because there will always be bad ones.
I haven’t done myself any favors, getting even less sleep than usual lately. Between forcing myself to stay awake when I’m in Gabi’s bed and checking in with Julian every hour she’s at school, I’ve only been managing a few hours a day.
I knew it would catch up with me, but right now, I don’t have a better alternative.
Until I know she’s safe from any lingering fallout with Imperium, I can’t let my guard down.
The same goes for sleeping next to her. Being unconscious is too much of a risk when I can’t control all the potential variables that could trigger an episode.
The logical thing to do would be to leave at night and sleep in my own bed, but my instincts resist that idea with every fiber of my being.
Realistically, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this charade up. Every time I’m near her, it feeds my obsession.
I won’t let her marry Riccardo, or anyone else for that matter. But I have nothing more to offer her than this highly controlled existence that still doesn’t solve the underlying problem.
I’m not safe for her.
Yet, here I am, pushing every fucking limit I set for myself. If I had an ounce of decency in me, I would have gone home this week and let my brothers watch over her. I wouldn’t be fucking with her head by ghosting her as Eros, and inserting myself into her life as the man who’s tormented her for so many years. I sure as fuck don’t deserve a second chance, but the animal in me wants one.
That part of me liked it far too much when she fell asleep on me last night. She looked entirely too comfortable with the wolf at her back, entertaining dark thoughts as she lay there, completely vulnerable to me.
I wanted to strip her bare and fuck her while she looked me in the eyes.
That fantasy has been rattling around my head all day, a welcome distraction from the dark thoughts circling the drain in my mind.
During weeks like this, when the pain shooting through my body escalates to unbearable levels, death would be a welcome reprieve.
The demon inside me offers up the usual buffet of intrusive thoughts and violent impulses to self-destruct.
I’ve learned to cohabitate with the beast, and how to tune him out most of the time. But on days like this, he’s so goddamned loud it’s impossible.
