“You aren’t a placeholder,” she says. “And he and I aren’t ever going to happen.”
The note of sadness in her voice hits me in the solar plexus.
I fucking hate that she’s thinking of anyone else, and I know without a shadow of a doubt it couldn’t be me.
I’ve been the world’s biggest asshole to her for the last five years. I tormented her at every opportunity, convincing myself if she hated me, she could move on.
Truthfully, though, it didn’t matter whether I was fighting or flirting with her—the sick part of me liked it all.
Any reaction from her fed the craving I tried in vain to kill. But deep down, I knew I’d gone too far.
I hurt her.
I made my presence something she had to endure. And in the end, I was just another person in her life who let her down.
Now, she’s in bed with Eros, offering herself to him instead.
I did this.
But it’s never felt heavier than it does right now.
“Give me a minute.” I pull away and head for the bathroom.
When the door clicks shut behind me, I splash some water on my face and glare at my reflection.
Another intrusive thought echoes through my head.
Smash your skull. Take the glass. Cut your throat.
My gaze drifts to the scar beneath my jaw where I already played that game once, before the orderlies got to me.
They were always fucking up my plans.
My father came to visit after and told me there was a reason I never succeeded. I just had to find it. Then he brought me home and took the only reasons I had left away.
You aren’t good for her.
Not like this.
In my mind, I punch the mirror and shatter it. In reality, I grab a cloth and soak it with warm water before I head back to Gabi.
“I’m sorry.” Her voice wavers as I clean her up.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, little shark.” I grab her shorts and slide them back on. “But you should get some rest. It’s late.”
“Are you leaving?”
When I don’t answer her, she sits up and touches the makeshift blindfold. “Can I take this off now?”
“Hang on.” I adjust my throat mic and put my mask and gloves back on. Once they’re in place, I take off her blindfold and smooth out her hair.
“Lie down.”
She does as I ask, even as tears hover at the edges of her eyes. I don’t know who they’re for, and I don’t ask. Part of me wants to stay and tell her everything’s okay, but I’m too fucked up in the head right now.
I grab her stuffed bear and tuck him against her before I cover her over.
“Goodnight, Gabriela.” I brush my fingers over her face one last time.
