“Thanks, but I’m not hungry. I just need to feed Beppe.”
“I’ll feed Beppe and take him for a walk so you can rest.”
I glance down at him, and he wags his tail at the suggestion, so I release him.
Twenty minutes later, they return, and Julian delivers him back to my room.
“Let me know if you need anything.” He lingers in the hallway. “You can text me.”
I thank him again and pull the covers over my head to go back to sleep.
More time passes, and eventually, I manage to drag myself into the bathroom to have a shower and drink a glass of water. Julian comes by throughout the day to take Beppe out, and at one point, he leaves a bag from my favorite bakery in my room.It makes me think of Eros, and I check my phone again, only to see he still hasn’t responded.
The ache in my chest grows, and I have the terrible realization that I miss him. When I consider that this is how my life will feel without him once he’s no longer in it, I want to cry all over again.
Grieving that loss before it even happens is too big to face right now, so I try to push it from my mind and go back to sleep.
Another day passes, and I still can’t bring myself to go to class. I’ve always loved school, but right now, even that is dark. All I want to do is hide away from the world.
Julian brings me more food and takes Beppe out for his walks.
At some point, my phone dies because I forget to charge it, and it occurs to me that I haven’t texted Riccardo. If he shows up here, I’ll have no choice but to throw myself out a window.
In the middle of the night, something stirs me from my sleep, and I’m not sure what it is. When I open my eyes, I can’t hear anything, but as they adjust, I see the figure sitting on the edge of my bed.
His back is turned to me, elbows resting on his knees as he stares at the floor. I don’t know what’s going through his mind, but he looks tortured by something.
Without looking at me, he seems to sense that I’m awake.
“Tell me to stay away from you,” the modulated voice rasps.
A sharp pressure builds behind my ribs, making it hard to breathe.
“Did I do something wrong?”
He turns to look at me, and I wish more than anything I could see his eyes right now.
“You did nothing wrong, Gabi. You never have.”
I try to read the meaning between his words, but it just makes my head hurt.
Being in the masochistic mood I am, I assume the worst and start asking things I shouldn’t.
“Is there someone else?” The words fracture as they leave my lips.
“No.” His voice dips. “Not for me.”
For a second, the pain in my chest eases, until I remember he’s trying to end this.
“Then what is it?” I ask.
“I told you I’m not good for you, and I meant it. I’m fucked in the head.”
He sounds so defeated, and I can’t handle this distance between us.
I pull back the covers and crawl toward him, and he releases a rough breath as I approach. I don’t know if he’ll reject me, but I have to try.
When I ease myself onto his lap, he bites back a sound like he’s in pain.
