I wish I was stronger. I wish I wasn’t filled with terror whenever I think of being with Christiano.
I wish we could be together like a normal couple.
The memory of him being shot flashes through my mind, and if it weren’t for the extra medication I took earlier, I’d have a panic attack right now.
The anxiety takes a tight hold of my throat, and I quickly rip my gaze away from Christiano’s.
Even though I watch as Riccardo and Gianna say their vows, I don’t take in anything. I zone out, going to my safe place deep in my mind.
Mom’s hand covers mine, and she squeezes hard, giving me something to focus on. As I sit mere feet from the man I still love after all this time, she keeps me grounded.
Just get through today, then you won’t have to see him for a long while again.
Mom releases my hand. “Let’s go to the hotel for the reception.”
The ceremony is over?
I get up with my parents and step out of the pew. While Dad takes Mom’s hand, Bianca falls in beside me and hooks her arm through mine. “That was so beautiful.”
“It was.” Regret trickles into my chest because I didn’t pay attention to my brother’s special moment.
We all file out of the cathedral and form two groups on the steps. Rosie and Enzo hand out confetti, and as I reach into Rosie’s basket, another hand joins mine.
I recognize the rose tattoo, and the instant our fingers touch, I yank away. The spark is so intense my entire left arm buzzes,and panicking, I duck into the small crowd to get away from Christiano.
Calm down. You can’t take another pill for at least five hours. Don’t ruin Riccardo’s special day.
I end up standing behind Adriano and Georgi, and even though their much bigger bodies provide a good hiding spot, it means I can’t see anything when Riccardo and Gianna come out of the cathedral.
The instant the happy couple gets into the limo, I make a beeline for my parents.
I get into the back of the G-Wagon with Bianca, and when Dad drives us toward the hotel, Mom pats her eyes dry with a tissue while saying, “I can’t believe our baby is married. The ceremony was perfect.”
“It was,” Dad replies.
“I love Gianna’s dress.” Bianca grins happily. “She has good taste.”
When my sister looks at me, I nod. “She looks gorgeous.”
Bianca keeps staring at me, then asks, “It doesn’t look like Christiano is moving on.”
“Bianca,” Dad snaps. “Drop the subject.”
“What?” A frown forms on her forehead. “I’m just saying what everyone is thinking.”
“We don’t need to talk about it,” Mom says.
I glance out the window, and taking a deep breath, I struggle to keep the memories of my short relationship with Christiano from flooding my mind.
When no one talks about him, and I don’t see him for a long while, the fear eases. But just as I begin to believe I’ll be okay, I have to attend a party or function, and the mere sight of him sends me spiraling.
If it weren’t a known fact that I’m a Cosa Nostra princess, I’d move to Seattle and live near my grandparents.
I’ve talked to my parents about living on my own, and even though they’ll worry about me, they’re trying to be supportive. Dad says as long as I choose an apartment so I have lots of neighbors, he’ll agree, but there’s no way he’ll allow me to live on my own in a house.
Dad finds a parking spot, and as we get out, the noise from the other vehicles is loud.
I see Christiano’s SUV, and after he climbs out, he looks agitated as he walks toward the elevators. Not wanting to get stuck with him, I hang back and wait for Augusto.
