Clayton thought about things he rarely allowed himself to think about. His foster family popped in first, but other thanirritation toward his sister and resigned love toward his mother, he got nothing.
He thought about his biological parents, who abandoned him in a forest decades ago, but he only felt sadness for them. Whatever they’d been going through had to have been dreadful for them to give up their child in such a way. He couldn’t forgive it, but somehow he also couldn’t hold onto it anymore.
There were no emotions in either situation that were strong enough to create anxiety in him.
Fuck, when had Clayton become so well-adjusted? He needed something really horrible to freak out over, and he was coming up with well-healed scars. How would he save Mal if he couldn’t find the bad stuff nestled away deep inside himself? How would he find and save his family without Mal?
Fear lanced through him so sharply that it took his breath away.
His family.
Hisrealfamily.
The one he’d personally collected and taken care of. The one who took care of him. The smiling, peanut butter and jelly-covered faces of Tommy and Merry as they gave him hugs every chance they got had taken up residence in his heart faster and deeper than he could have imagined.
He thought of Eira’s good-natured grumbling and unending compassion that had been indispensable in helping Clayton learn how to care for two children on no notice. And Grampy’s obvious unconditional love for all of them, even Clayton.
He couldn’t lose that.
Clayton absolutely couldn’t lose that. He would go mad if he did.
And Mal… What about him? A monster society reviled. Mal was considered an abomination to be destroyed on sight because of the harm he could cause.
If Clayton was correct, Mal easily could have taken over the demon realm, but instead, he wandered around the world helping out Benighted, likely feeding off the monsters he killed. That was all.
Clayton’s mind flashed to the big, bad boogey-man of the Other kissing a filthy, tattered doll because a little girl had asked him to.
Then it flashed to Mal fulfilling Clayton’s dirty fantasies without judgment. If Mal was a nightmare, he would be able to see into Clayton’s soul. That meant Mal knew everything bad that Clayton had ever done, and he still wanted him anyway.
So what if Mal was a monster? Unconditional acceptance was a gift wherever it was found.
Mal was a truly unique creature. There had never been something like him before, and Clayton had found him. And for some insane reason, Mal seemed to like him.
And impossibly, Clayton liked him too.
Clayton couldn’t lose Mal either.
His chest ached as he allowed the fear of losing his found family have its way with him, and he clutched it, closing his eyes from the pain.
Clayton wanted to force it all back down, but he restrained the urge and gasped, “Take it… It’s all for you, just… Don’t kill me.”
Marshall would definitely try to kill Mal if he killed Clayton, and then Clayton’s family would surely be lost.
Clayton nearly cried out when he felt a sharp pull at the emotion in his chest. It was like being gutted with a dull knife, but Clayton rejoiced at the sensation because he knew it was Mal feeding. He gritted his teeth and stayed silent in order to not alert Marshall.
Clayton bit through his lip, tasting blood as he fought to stay conscious through the onslaught. Mal wasn’t being gentle withhim at all. Just when Clayton began to believe he’d been wrong and that Mal was happily finishing him off, the pain shut off abruptly.
Clayton swayed and collapsed on top of Mal’s now fully corporeal body.
“Idiot. Why did you do that? Were you trying to get yourself killed?” Mal’s voice was next to Clayton’s ear, and its unmistakable fondness belied the harsh words.
“Fuck you… You know why,” Clayton said, trying in vain to push away from Mal’s crushing hold on him.
“Never do that again. I was starving. I didn’t understand what I was doing and could easily have killed you.”
Clayton stopped fighting and allowed Mal to support his trembling body. “You didn’t, though, did you? My life, my choice.”
“It’s not just your life, asshole,” Mal growled.
