Clayton stared at Mal in surprise. Likely because it had been Mal who had shouted it and not him, and Mal had been the one to bring up crossbows in the first place.
Mal wasn’t concerned for Merry. All children should get to experience the joys of projectile weaponry as early as possible, but Clayton needed a weapon in his house like he needed another hole in his boat.
How was Mal supposed to eat Clayton every day if he had a crossbow bolt through his head? Mal made a mental note to check the house over for potential hazards later that evening.
“Princess Stinky isn’t old enough for a crossbow yet,” Mal said sagely.
Merry frowned. “Samantha said she was over a hundred years old.”
“Dolls age differently than people do,” Clayton cut in smoothly, rescuing Mal from going against his own morals and keeping a child away from their gods-given right to learn every form of ranged combat they could get their hands on.
Mal didn’t need a weapon to be an effective killer, but fun was fun. Was he not allowed to have a hobby just because he was a monster?
“Oh, that makes sense.” Merry reached up to take her doll back from Mal, but when he tried to return it, Merry grabbed his sleeve and clutched it tightly in her tiny fingers. Her eyes were shy, but her upturned cheek wasn’t.
Mal scooped her into his arms and planted a huge, smacking kiss on her soft, chubby cheek. “Don’t worry, I was saving the best princess for last,” Mal promised solemnly.
“Merry, when did you slip away?” Eira exclaimed as she raced into the living area. “Tell them goodnight, and go to bed.”
Mal made to put the little girl down, but was intercepted by Clayton, who stole her away and planted his own loud kiss on Merry’s other cheek.
“You did an excellent job levitating Princess Stinky, love,” Clayton praised. “I swear you get better at that every day.”
Merry giggled and kicked her feet wildly, clipping Mal in the chest. Even though the impact of her small foot felt like having a feather land on him, he still clutched his chest and yelped, “You must be a monster to kick like that. Have mercy on me, Princess Monster.”
Mal held out his hands defensively. He left plenty of holes in his defenses for her to exploit in case she wanted to practice learning how to kill. He had a feeling her guardians were seriously lacking in this area of child-rearing.
Eira rolled her eyes. “There are already enough children in this house, Mal. Don’t be adding to my problems. If you rile her up, she won’t be able to fall asleep, and if she can’t sleep, then she won’t be able to grow properly.”
Mal and Clayton both glanced at each other before looking away guiltily.
They let Eira take Merry and herd her back to bed without another word, even though the little girl gave them both pleading looks. It was as things should be. She had no connection to Mal, so he had no reason to rescue her from bedtime.
Mal turned his full attention back to Clayton and was about to ask about the massive hole in the center of the living area, but he got punched in the arm.
“What was that for?” Mal rubbed his arm and scowled even though it didn’t actually hurt.
“You’re good with kids!” Clayton whisper-shouted accusingly.
“Is that a bad thing?”
“Yes! No… I don’t know. I just wasn’t expecting it. How did you get good at being around kids? I imagined that you hated kids.”
“Why would I hate them? They’ve never tried to kill me.”
Children were wonderfully predictable in that way. It was nice not to have to worry about it. He had no desire to eat them, and he didn’t have to worry about getting knifed in the back by one. The older ones, maybe. Holly had been old enough to be murderous, but she didn’t give off a killer vibe at all.
“That’s your bar? As long as someone doesn’t try to kill you, you like them?”
“I wouldn’t go that far. Most sentient creatures, whether dangerous or not, are fundamentally repellent, but I find children to be relatively tolerable.”
“So, you like kids?”
“I don’tlikeanything, but I can tolerate kids. I thought I was being clear. Were you not listening?”
Claytonhumphedand turned away. “So you ditched us all for some reason other than being afraid of kids. Good to know.”
“What? I didn’t ditch you. I barely even knew you or them. It was just a job.”
