‘”It’s good, it’s fine”?’
‘Sorry. I’m crap at this stuff.’
‘You’re not the only one. Used to be quite the charmer back in the day. Before Naomi, my ex, and the money stuff. I guess I thought I had something to offer.’
‘You still do. Seriously.’
‘Thanks.’
‘I mean,’ she said, hardly knowing the words that were going to come. ‘I like you too. A lot, actually.’ Where had that come from? Not from her conscious mind. But it was right, wasn’t it. She did, didn’t she?
‘But?’ he said into the silence, sensing her hesitation.
‘But,’ she echoed, ‘I’ve been on a roller coaster. You know, with Pete. Then Henri. And all this stuff with work and Kitty and… my head is all over the place.’
‘OK.’
‘I’m just not?—’
‘It’s OK. I get it.’
‘I need to sort myself out. I need to work out what I’m doing. And I just don’t think?—’
‘I get it.’ His tone was slightly sharper. ‘Shall we just drop it?’
‘But you understand. It’s not a… it’s not a no. It’s a not now.’
There was a silence. Then he gave a deep sigh. ‘I get that,’ he said. ‘I do. And you know what, I’m good with being friends. Life can get crazy sometimes.’
‘I know, right?’
‘You know, that seems kind of a mature attitude for a kid in their twenties,’ he said, winking.
She looked at him wryly. ‘I’m the oldest twenty-year-old in the world.’
47
NOW
It was a strange feeling navigating the roads close to where she’d lived for so many years. Gradually, the style of the buildings then the buildings themselves became familiar, and she found herself driving through the series of small villages and hamlets that surrounded Aubusson. On the other side of the historic town, the stone house she fell in love with nine years ago was sitting waiting for her.
It was almost lunchtime and they’d been travelling for five and a half hours – two stops on the way and a hold-up close to Bourges had added an hour or more to their total trip time. After the awkward conversation was out of the way, the air had felt cleared and she and Brad had been able to chat about ordinary things – she’d told him about growing up in Hertfordshire, about meeting Pete, their wedding and the French B&B plan.
‘Looking back, I was so naïve,’ she’d said.
But Brad had shaken his head. ‘Brave, more like. I mean, taking all that on at a young age? It was a lot. And you did it!’
‘This journey kind of proves that I didn’t. Not really.’
‘You kept that place going for eight years. And sure, you weren’t making as much as you’d hoped, but you were doing it!’
He’d told her about Chicago, about coming to France and staying with his grandmother for holidays. ‘She was from New York originally but married a French guy in the forties, some guy her brother met during the war, I think. I had a lot of holidays in Versailles growing up. Some of my friends were super jealous but actually it was a pretty boring place when you’re thirteen and your French is kinda basic.’
‘I can imagine.’
‘There are only so many times you can be dragged round the Palace, or go sightseeing in Paris. I appreciate it now, but then…’ He shook his head. ‘Man, those days were long! Then I met Naomi when I was about twenty and things got a bit more interesting.’
‘When did you inherit the house?’
