‘You were sixteen. Mum had been through it all with me. She knew how it was with teens and hormones. She knew you loved her. It wouldn’t have— Honestly, you didn’t do anything wrong.’
Bella felt hot tears well in her eyes. ‘What really gets me is Mum died so young. I mean, forty is nothing, is it? When I was sixteen, it seemed like she was pretty old, that at least she’d had a good life. That kind of thing. But the more I grow up… I’m in my thirties and I still feel like a kid.’ She laughed softly. ‘Mum lost so many years. We lost so many years with her. She should still be here.’
‘I know.’
‘It doesn’t seem fair that I’ve had this time, and she hasn’t, and I’ve wasted it!’
‘No, you haven’t, Bella. How can you say that?’
‘Well, what have I got to show for those years then?’ Bella challenged. ‘A divorce, a failed business and a CV so empty I had to lie to get a job. And after what Claudine said, I’ll never work in France again.’
‘Bella, you lived them.’
‘But I?—’
‘Youlivedthem,’ Kitty said firmly. ‘Not everything has to work out. But you had some wonderful times. And you’re still young. You have time to build something brand new, whatever you want!’
‘I just feel—’ Bella picked at a bit of uneven wood on the table’s surface. ‘I feel as if I’m running out of time. I mean, Mum only had six years left when she was my age. What if something like that happens to me?’
‘It won’t.’
‘I keep thinking I wish I could go back, do it better.’
‘Which is why you let Henri and Odette think you were in your twenties?’
‘Maybe on some level. But it was mostly a way of getting them to like me, I think.’
‘Oh, Bella. Well, it clearly worked. They seem to love you.’
‘You think?’
‘Look at the way Odette and Brad are falling over themselves to help you!’
Bella shrugged.
‘And Henri dated you – he must have seen something in you!’
Bella felt a little flushed, took a sip of her own tea. Then, ‘It’s just— well, if I die at forty, what will I really have done with my life?’
‘Bella. You are not going to die at forty.’
‘You can’t know…’
‘OK, well, you have maybe a 1percent chance. There’s a 1percent chance of tons of things happening, good and bad. You can’t waste time worrying about that. Which means, based on Gran’s age when she died, you probably have at least six decades left. You have all the time in the world.’
‘But Mum?—’
‘Mum,’ Kitty said firmly, putting her arm around her sister, ‘would not want you to let what happened to her colour your life for the worse. She would want you to live. And you are! You have! It’s amazing what you’ve done.’
Bella felt a flush of warmth. ‘You really think so?’
‘I know so.’
‘You too, you know. I’m in awe of you most of the time.’
Kitty smiled. ‘Look at us.’
‘What a mess we’ve made.’
