‘I’m sorry,’ she said, more hotly. ‘But I do. And I just know that I’m not up to the job. I never should have come here.’
And with that, she turned and walked past Mélodie, face fixed forward to avoid eye contact. She made her way through the glass doors and, without glancing back, began to run.
40
2021, FRANCE
They looked at each other over the kitchen table. Accounting books were spread across its worn, wooden surface.
Tentatively, guests were starting to return post-lockdown. And they’d had financial support to keep going. Still, the margins were tighter than either of them would like.
‘Well, we should be OK, as long as the summer’s good,’ she said at last. ‘Maybe even get back in the black by autumn?’
Pete was leaning on his hands as if holding his head up was too much for his neck to bear. ‘I don’t know, Bella. I really don’t.’
‘We’ve done the maths! It will be OK,’ she repeated.
‘But is it worth it? I mean, seriously?’
His words felt like daggers.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I dunno,’ he looked away, out over their land, drenched in early spring sunshine. In contrast, the kitchen felt gloomy and dull. ‘We barely make a living, Bella. Back on the site, I was making three times as much and that was five years ago… and I dunno. I guess I felt better about what I was doing.’
‘But we get to live here! We own our own house! We could never afford anything like this back home.’
‘Home?’ He raised an eyebrow, seizing on the word. ‘See, you don’t like to admit it, but you do still consider England as home. It does still feel… foreign to you here.’
She flushed. ‘France is my home. It was a slip of the tongue. Come on, Pete. It’s been a shit time for everyone with the pandemic and all. It’ll get better.’
‘I just—’ He paused. ‘I suppose the French thing. I thought it would be easier. I thought I’d be— I’d have some free time, you know? Not spend it all fixing things and doing the garden.’
‘I know. It’ll get easier,’ she said, reaching out a hand towards him.
‘Yeah. I guess.’ He placed a hand over hers, seemed to be wrestling with something. ‘But if it doesn’t…’
‘It will.’
‘But if it doesn’t… Would you think about trying something else? For me?’
‘Another business? Actually, I’ve been thinking of learning how to make chocolate… maybe we could do something with that on the side? Boost our income?’
‘No, I mean another place. Maybe back home? England. If I did want to go, you’d come with me…’
She looked at him.
‘Right?’
‘I can’t, Pete, you know that. And look, it’s not something we have to worry about. Because things will get better.’
41
NOW
‘Right.’ Brad seemed to have taken up the position as chair of the impromptu meeting they seemed to be having at the kitchen table. They were seated around, each with a steaming mug in front of them, Odette and Brad on one side, Henri and Bella on the other. ‘What do we need to do to make this right?’
When Bella had arrived home an hour ago, breathless and tearful, she’d wanted to dash straight to her room. But Brad had been in the hallway, guitar-case in hand, and seen her face straightaway.
