I nod, and before I know it, Duke and I are alone again.
For a long second, there’s silence and I think we’re both waiting for the sound of Dad’s truck to start before we talk. I don’t hear it but maybe Duke does because he’s the first to speak.
“I’m sorry,” he groans and steps toward me. “I’m sorry about tonight. I lost my mind for a bit there and I could’ve reallyscrewed everything up.” He sighs loud and hard as though he’s really disappointed with himself. “I… I’m sorry.”
I get the feeling we’re in two different head spaces. Mostly because I’d let him do anything he wants a hundred times right now, and he’s apologizing profusely.
“No, it’s okay,” I say, shaking my head as though I’m totally uninterested as well. “We were,” I shrug, “lost in a moment and out of our minds for a second. No harm done. No one needs to know.”
Duke drags in a heavy breath, but he doesn’t let it out. “I care about you, Kitten. A lot. I don’t want you to think tonight was a mistake. If anything, it was the most honest thing I’ve done in a long time, but… I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t the reason I’m leaving town.”
My brows narrow. “What do you mean? You didn’t know we were going to do this when you told me about your plans earlier.”
“No, I didn’t, but I knew how I felt about you. I knew seeing you around town was getting harder and harder. I knew coming here alone would be difficult, and I know now more than ever that leaving is the right thing to do.”
My cheeks burn. “Why are you telling me this… so I’ll feel bad? If that was your plan, you nailed it. You’ve made leaving my fault.”
“No,” he scoffs, standing straighter before stepping toward me, his giant hand landing on the side of my face sweeping back my hair. “I’m telling you how I feel about you because I’m a selfish asshole. I’m telling you because I couldn’t leave and not let you know that I’ll remember this night for the rest of my life. I’m telling you how I feel because I know you feel this too and I want you to move on.” He’s saying the words, but they look like they’re causing physical pain throughout his body.
“How do I move on knowing you’re a state away, living the life we should be living with someone else?”
“There’s no one else.”
“There will be.”
His hand is warm and his gaze is locked on me, but the words he’s saying don’t match the warmth I feel. “No, there won’t be. I don’t need anyone. I’ve never needed anyone. Anyone but you.”
“Then stay. Let’s figure this out. Dad might understand. We don’t know.”
“We can’t, Kitten.” He leans into my cheek and lands a soft kiss. It’s the same kiss he’s given me for years. The one that supposedly means nothing more than platonic love. “You know your dad as well as I do. This is for the best.”
“So what happens now? You just leave and we spend the rest of our lives pretending we don’t feel this way? I meet someone else and I try to feel for them the way I feel for you? It’s not going to happen, Duke. I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember. I don’t want to lose that, even if it means all this is a secret.”
He smiles gently and tightens his grip. “I love you more, little Kitten. I’ve always loved you. That’s why I won’t let you live some life of secrecy. You deserve everything the world has to offer. A family, kids, a life you don’t have to hide.”
I roll my eyes to the side and push away, knocking the cookies over with my elbow. “Why don’t you let me decide what I want for me?”
“And what is it you want?”
“I want you!” A tear rolls down my cheek. “I want us to start whatever this is, right now.”
The door creaks open and my dad steps inside again.
What the hell? Why is he back again?
This time his gaze darts between Duke and I with narrowed brows. “You two look like you’re in the middle of a fight. Something happen?”
“Not at all.” Duke drags in a deep breath and turns toward my dad. “I thought you’d taken off.”
“Waiting for you. I figured you’d want to follow the plow guy home.”
Duke glances back toward me, and though I know he wants to kiss me, I also know that whatever moment we shared is over.
“Yeah, sorry,” he says, stepping away. “Was just explaining how to fix those shutters if they come loose again.”
Duke leans into me for a hug, the way he always has, surrounding me with the scent of pine and woods. “Be good, okay? I’ll check on you later.”
He’s always said that, but now it feels different. It feels like the pain of something I know I’ll never have. And as he disappears outside with my dad, I know deep down, it’s probably for the best.
