Then she disappears up the stairs, her footsteps fading overhead.
I stand there for a while, listening to the house settle. When I head upstairs, the warmth of her smile still lingers, as if my brain hasn’t quite let go of her yet.
Chapter 15
Eve
Ican’t sleep.
The cottage is quiet, properly quiet. No traffic, no neighbours, just the soft creak of the walls and the wind brushing against the window. It should be peaceful, but my mind refuses to switch off.
There’s a feeling sitting in my chest, restless and warm, like my body doesn’t quite know what to do with itself. It’s ridiculous, really. It's not the first time that we are alone, but somehow it feels different this time. With him just a few steps away. Closer. Real.
I turn over and pull the duvet tighter. It doesn’t help. The warmth still builds, steady and impossible to ignore.
It isn’t just a crush. It’s something deeper, something that feels like it has been growing quietly for a while, waiting for me to notice. It’s terrifying.
I want to tell him. To just say it. That I like him. That he makes me feel seen without ever putting me on the spot. That he’s the first person in a long time who makes me forget to hold my breath. But how do you say that whenyou have spent half your life hiding behind careful words and polite smiles?
What are you supposed to do with something that feels this big when you live inside a body that panics at being noticed?
I close my eyes and tell myself I will sleep soon. That it will feel less intense in the morning.
But even as I listen to the wind outside and the steady quiet of the cottage around me, I know it won’t.
I give up trying to sleep after what feels like hours. The harder I try to quiet my mind, the louder it gets.
Eventually, I reach for my phone. Bad idea, I know. Blue light and all that. But staring at the ceiling isn’t helping, so I type the first thing that comes to mind into the search bar.
What to do if you’re shy and you like someone?
A dozen links appear. I click the first one.
If you are shy, you can tell someone you like them by starting with subtle hints or indirect methods, like writing a note or doing a kind gesture, such as making them a coffee. Alternatively, you can build up to a more direct conversation by practising conversation skills and starting with small interactions, or by asking them to join a group activity to remove the pressure of a one-on-one conversation.
I scroll to the next link.
Write a note. If you're not comfortable saying it in person, a handwritten note is a great way to expressyour feelings without the immediate pressure of a verbal conversation.
Make small gestures. Show your interest through your actions. For example, offer to get them a coffee, or send them a funny meme about a shared interest.
Drop hints. Casually mention things you like about them or their interests when you chat.
I huff a quiet laugh. None of this sounds remotely like me. I don’tdrop hints.I overanalyse every word I say until it barely makes sense.
Start with small talk. Practice initiating brief, low-stakes conversations.
Just do it. While nerve-wracking, sometimes the best approach is to simply be direct.
“Right,” I whisper to the phone. “Just do it. Simple.”
I lock the screen and set it face down on the bedside table, staring into the dark. My heart’s still thudding.
If I were the kind of person who couldjust do it,I’d already have told him. But I’m not. I’m the kind who writes unsent emails and rehearses conversations in her head until the moment’s long gone.
Still, the words keep circling like a chant.Just do it.
It’s ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. But the longer I lie there, the more impossible it feels to stay still. Before I can think too much, I throw back the covers and reach for mybra, tugging it on out of bait as much as need. My feet are freezing as they hit the floorboards.
