Chapter 1
Aaron
Imust be outof my bloody mind.
The M1 is doing its usual impression of a car park and the sky is a dull, endless grey that can’t decide whether to drizzle or commit to rain. I’ve got the heater on full blast, but the cold still creeps in around the edges.
Will’s voice fills the car through the speakers. “Mate, you’re doing the right thing, taking a break, but are you sure you want to travel to Yorkshire at the end of January? The weather up there can be shit at the best of times. In January, you’re in with a real chance of freezing your arse off.”
I smirk. “It was your idea in the first place.”
“No, no! If I recall rightly, I suggested a break somewhere warm where you can lie in the sun and ogle women in bikinis. I only suggested the Dales after you insisted that any trip you take doesn’t involve squeezing yourself into a plane seat. You picked a cold and wet English January over something tropical,” he protests.
“Good thing I’ve had practice in uncomfortable conditions. The army was basically one long lesson in being cold and miserable or hot and unbearable.”
“You used to get paid for it,” he says. “Now you’re a soft Londoner who thinks a bad day is when Pret runs out of your fancy coffee beans.”
“Don’t pretend you miss those field jobs,” I tell him.
He laughs, that dry, familiar sound that still makes me think of dodgy instant coffee and long nights in tents halfway around the world. We built our security company after we left the army, but he’s the one who kept the field teams running while I stuck to the office. That was until the job nearly killed him.
Will doesn’t talk about it much, but I can still see him at the hospital—bandages, bruises, the kind of look in his eyes you only get when you’ve come close to not making it back. After that, neither of us wanted to be the hero anymore. We share the management now, keep things running from London, and let the younger consultants chase the adventure. They’ve got the energy for it.
It’s strange how danger becomes routine in no time until it stops being abstract and starts bleeding. That was the point I knew I’d had enough. My marriage had been wobbling for years, and I thought stepping back from field work would fix it. Spending more time at home, prove I could be a normal husband.
But it didn’t quite work out that way.
Will must sense where my head’s gone, because he clears his throat. “You’re not still beating yourself up about it, are you?”
“About what?” I ask, though we both know.
“Nicola,” he says. “You couldn’t have known she’d end up falling for a woman. She didn’t even know she was into women until it happened.”
I grip the steering wheel a little tighter. “Yeah, well, it still makes you question a few things. Hard not to wonder if I ever really knew her.”
“Mate, you were married for years. You knew her. Just not the part that she was hiding from herself. That’s not on you.”
“I know,” I say quietly. “And I’m glad she’s happy. It just… wasn’t what I expected, that’s all.”
He makes a low, thoughtful sound of agreement. “Life never is. You gave it everything you had, Aaron. Nobody could say otherwise.”
“Didn’t stop it from ending.”
“No,” he says. “But at least it ended honestly. Most people never get that.”
The motorway curves ahead, a long grey line stretching north. I focus on the road, the drizzle smudging the horizon. “That’s why I’m taking the break,” I tell him. “Just need to get my head straight.”
“Which is exactly why I suggested Jon and Abby’s place,” Will says. “If you’re shunning the Caribbean, you can at least stay somewhere calledSunshine Cottage. Sounds cheerful enough to sort you out.”
I can’t help a short laugh. “Cheerful’s not exactly what I’m after.”
“You could do with a bit of it though. They’ll look after you. Abby will feed you properly, and Jon will talk your ear off about something medical you won’t understand.”
“Comforting.”
“You’ll be fine. It’s quiet, good walking country, and the locals are friendly. Mostly.”
“I’m not planning to stay long,” I say. “Just a few weeks, clear my head, then back to London.”
