My day.What a loaded question.One that people get to talk about regularly.My life, though, it’s anything but ordinary.I was walking into a building full of radios and reports before getting in a patrol car as a man who lived on adrenaline.
Me:Heading in.You working today?
Char:I’m off.Might try to tackle the laundry mountain.And maybe go for a walk if it’s not freezing.
A walk.Something ordinary.Something small and brave.I typed and deleted twice before I settled on honesty that didn’t sound like a warning.
Me:Text me later.I’ll check in when I can.
Char:Okay.Be safe.
I stared at those two words until the screen dimmed.Be safe.People said it like it was a blessing.Like safety was a thing you could choose.Noone really had control.We could do the best to manage variables, like being aware, but safety wasn’t something someone could say they had real control over.Life was unpredictable and the world seemed to get crazier every day.
I put the phone down gently, like I might break it, and finished getting ready.
The drive to the precinct was quiet, the sky slowly opening from black to gray.DC at that hour had a muted edge to it—monuments half-hidden, streets damp with last night’s cold, the city holding its breath before it filled with horns and hurry.
My mind kept sliding toward Char, toward the way she’d looked at me when I walked her to her door last night.She’d stood in the hallway of her building with the new deadbolt she’d installed glinting on the inside of the door.She’d hugged herself like her arms were the only thing she trusted to hold her together.
“I had a good time,” she’d said softly, like she was testing the words to see if the universe would punish her for them.
“I did too,” I answered, and I meant it.That was the part that made me uneasy.
She hesitated, then stepped closer.Her fingers touched my sleeve, then my wrist, then lingered like she didn’t want to risk anything more.
“I don’t,” Her voice had cracked.She’d swallowed and tried again.“I don’t want you to think I’m broken.”
I’d held her gaze.“I don’t.”It hadn’t been a lie.It also hadn’t been the whole truth.Because broken wasn’t the word.Fragile, maybe.No, she wasn’t fragile, she was strong.
Wounded.That was more like it.Wired for fear.But also stubbornly alive in a way that twisted something inside me.
“I just,” She’d dropped her eyes and exhaled.“Sometimes I don’t know what’s normal.”
I’d known that feeling too well.Mine had just come from different places.
“Normal’s overrated,” I said, and her laugh had been small but real.
Then she’d looked up again, and there’d been a question in her eyes she didn’t ask out loud.I’d felt it anyway.Are you going to change and be like him?It was a normal trauma response.
While we had spent time together, some nights were easy and we went to bed wrapped in one another, and then other nights were harder.
Last night, it had been written all over her face and the way she carried her body, she was wound tight.Haunted by her past and unable to relax even knowing I wasn’t him.
My throat had tightened.“Text me when you get inside and ready for bed, baby.”
She nodded and slid inside her apartment.The door had shut between us with a soft click that felt too final for a moment that had been tender.
I walked away without touching her the way I wanted to.Holding her was what every instinct in me screamed to do.But I resisted.Because touching, holding, it meant wanting more.Wanting more meant caring.
Caring meant risk.
The precinct parking lot came into view and pulled me back to reality like a tether.I parked, grabbed my go-bag, and got out.The building had the usual energy even at that hour—shift change voices, the hum of fluorescent lights, the smell of stale coffee and the brut odor of masculinity.A couple of uniforms nodded at me in passing.
“Morning, Sergeant.”
“Verdone.”
I answered with short greetings and kept moving.My boots knew the path to the locker room as well as they knew the ground overseas.Different war.Same way to handle the jobs.Inside, I changed into my duty belt, checked my gear with the same muscle memory I used to check magazines as a Marine.Flashlight.Bodycam.Radios.Handcuffs.Gloves.Taser.Pistol.The weight settled on my hips like a reminder.
