“But how? What makes you think it?”
“The signs are beginning.”
“What signs?”
“A moment ago, you heard my thoughts. I did not send them in Spirit, but you heard them nonetheless.”
“Perhaps that’s a sign of our bond becoming stronger.”
“Nei. Our bond is strong—stronger now than it ever has been—but you cannot enter my mind at will until the union is complete. You heard my thoughts because I am losing the ability to keep them contained. It is one of the first effects of bond madness.”
She frowned. “How can you be so sure that’s what it is? Nothing else about me—about us—has followed Fey conventions. Why should this be any different?”
He smiled sadly. “I am sure. Each moment of the day, I make a conscious effort to keep from broadcasting my thoughts. I have been doing so since the first battle at Orest. If I stop…” He closed his eyes. And just like that his thoughts were in her mind. Not on Spirit, not backed by power, and not because she was making the effort to hear them. They were just there, as clearly as if he’d spoken them aloud.
The first sign of bond madness is a Fey’s inability to keep his thoughts private. He broadcasts them. First in moments of weariness or vulnerability, but then more frequently, until he cannot stop what is in his mind from spilling out. The next sign is difficulty controlling his temper, so he is swift to Rage. Then comes loss of control over his magic.
She clasped her hands together to stop their shaking. “How long?” She could barely force out the question. “How long do you have?” She loved him. She loved him more than she ever knew she could love someone. More than she loved Mama and Papa and even more than she loved the twins. In their few short months together, he’d become the foundation of her existence, the Great Sun that shone light on her world. She could not even contemplate the thought of a life without him.
“Not long. A few months, if the gods are kind.” Swaths of straight, silky black hair brushed his cheek as his head drooped. “The war and all the souls I still bear upon mine will speed the madness. You saw yourself how quick I was to Rage that night the Eld attacked. I’ve been testing my control of magic since then, too. If I don’t focus enough, my weaves don’t spin as they should.” He looked up. “Bel suspects the truth, but I would rather none of the others know until I can no longer maintain my control.”
She tried to assimilate what he was saying, while her mind worked frantically to think of a solution, or at least a way to slow the progression of his madness until they could complete their bond. “I could try to heal you—to heal your soul as I healed therasa.”
He shook his head. “Nei, shei’tani. My soul is yours to heal, but only through the completion of our bond.”
“But Rain—”
He pressed fingers to her lips. “Shh.Las, shei’tani. Shei’tanitsabars you access to my thoughts and to my soul until you accept me into yours. Even if it did not, I know what it cost you to heal therasa. I bear more death on my soul than Gaelen did when he wasdahl’reisen, and I remember what it did to you when you touched him. Not even to save my own life could I allow you to go through that again.”
“So you’d ratherdiethan let me try? Rain!”
His jaw clenched in unyielding lines. “I would die a thousand times over before I let you suffer one-tenth of my torment—especially on my behalf.”
“And what do you think I’ll suffer when you’re gone?” she cried. “Iloveyou, Rain.”
“And I love you, but there is only one cure for the bond madness. Without that, there is nothing to be done.” He took her hands. “Let’s not waste our time fighting a battle that cannot be won. Instead, let us concentrate on winning the one that can.”
Ellysetta wanted to protest. She wanted to force Rain to let her at least try to heal him. But he was so certain it would not work—and so unwilling to risk hurting her—that she knew he would not be budged. She pulled out of his grip and stared blindly at the river.
He regarded his empty hands and sighed.
For several chimes, they stood there in silence, watching the river flow by. A fish leapt into the air, its scales shining like blue jewels in the moonlight. It splashed back into the water, and ripples of purple, green, and pink flowed out in vivid color.
Rain was the first to break the silence. “Farsight told me the Elves call this the river of true dreaming,” he said. “Apparently the crystals in the riverbed absorb the light of the moons and the Great Sun and convert it into some sort of magical energy that Seers use to better understand their visions of the Dance. He suggested we might find a swim…enlightening.” He offered a coaxing smile. “I’m not at all fond of Elvish mysticism, but I confess I thoroughly enjoyed the last time we swam in magical waters.”
She turned to glare at him. “You tell me the bond madness has begun. You refuse to let me try to heal your soul in order to prolong your life, and less than five chimes later, you’re thinking about mating?”
White teeth flashed in a rueful smile. “I am yourshei’tan. No matter what other thoughts may occupy my mind, the idea of mating with you is always among them.”
When she did not respond to his humor in kind, the small smile faded, replaced by sober, unflinching honesty. “There is enough sorrow and danger in our lives. I am the Tairen Soul. Even without the bond madness, how long we will have together in this life has never been certain. Mage Fire or asel’dorbolt could take me in the next battle. Would you have us spend what time we have bewailing our fate or would you rather we drink every drop of happiness we can from each moment we have together?”
He was right. Their lives could be cut short at any moment. How could she waste even a moment of the time they had now mourning a future that might never happen? Tears shimmered in her eyes. “Rain…”
“Ssh.Nei avi.” He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her tears away, then took her mouth in a sweet, slow, tender kiss that robbed her of all regret. When he pulled back, his lips curved in a slow smile, and in ancient, courtly Feyan, he said, “So,shei’tani…wilt thou swim with thy beloved in a river of dreams?”
Her lips trembled. He was dying now because of her, because she could not complete their bond. And yet, as his skin touched hers and his emotions flowed freely into hers, she could not detect a single trace of remorse or regret or blame. He loved her unconditionally, even if that love would lead him to his death.
She blinked back the tears he would not have her shed. Never could she have loved anyone more. Never had she felt more undeserving of him.“Aiyah.”She stood up on her toes and found his mouth with hers.“Kem’san. Kem’reisa. Kem’shei’tan.”She murmured the words against his mouth between kisses and sang them to his soul across the threads of their bond. “Ke vo san, Rainier Feyreisen. I love you.”
