OTHER NERD
Did you at least take her somewhere decent? Not that place you bought your leopard print phase from?
I snicker, snapping a quick picture of the store's interior and sending it to the chat.
KNOTHEAD
Relax, I'm taking good care of our mate. She's trying on a purple dress that's gonna make all your dicks explode.
I pause to check the tag on one of the other sizes.
KNOTHEAD
It's EGGPLANT. How perfect is that?
TOP DAWG
I swear to all the gods, Sean, if you're making her uncomfortable...
KNOTHEAD
She's fine! She's having fun! Aren't you, babe?
I include Regina in the last message, knowing she'll see it when she checks her phone. While I wait for her to respond, I gather a few more things, including a soft blue sweater that looks like it would feel amazing against her skin, a pair of dark gray ass-smothering jeans that are actually new and not worn thin at the knees, and a red top with a neckline that dips just low enough to be interesting without making her self-conscious.
My phone buzzes again.
SEXY WITCH
I'm trying on clothes, not being held hostage. Though Sean's taste is questionable at best.
KNOTHEAD
HEY! I have excellent taste. I picked you, didn't I?
SEXY WITCH
You didn't pick me. A magical spell and the universe did.
KNOTHEAD
Semantics. The point is, I recognize quality when I see it.
TOP DAWG
Stop texting and help her shop. And Sean, I swear to all that's holy, if anything happens to her while you're out…
KNOTHEAD
Yeah, yeah, you'll rip my arms off and beat me with them and then shove them up my ass. Heard it all before. Gotta go, she's probably done trying on the first dress and I don't wanna miss this.
I pocket my phone and head toward the dressing rooms, arms heavy with potential purchases. The attendant, a bored-looking girl with blue hair and enough piercings to set off the detectors in the entrance, barely glances up from her phone.
"How many items?" she asks, clearly reciting from a script.
I count quickly. "Uh, seven, I think?"
She hands me a plastic number without looking up. "Room three is open."
