Rich just shrugs and gives him a half-hearted smirk. This is how things usually are until Mike gets so blasted that he startstelling both of us how much he loves us and how much he thanks God for having friends like the two of us. It’s a little sappy, but he means well.
At least he’s not a mean drunk.
Hoping to get the two of them talking again, I grab my third beer and say, “Did you see the signups for the winter dance in the cafeteria at lunch today? That Laura Carollton was manning the table. Too bad she’s stuck like fucking glue to that idiot boyfriend of hers. I’d go to a dance with her.”
Rich and Mike look over at me like I’ve just announced I’m going to be moving to Neptune next month. They stare at me for a long moment before Mike finally says, “You have a thing for homecoming queens? I had no idea, Connor.”
“Yeah, I mean, you’ve never mentioned her even once before, and now you’re saying you’d go to some dumb dance just for her?” Rich says like he’s shocked I could even notice someone like Laura.
“I don’t have a thing for her or any other homecoming queen. I’ve noticed her. Don’t tell me you haven’t. She’s fucking gorgeous, for Christ’s sake,” I say, suddenly feeling defensive about liking the hottest girl in school.
That makes Mike throw his head back and laugh. “Of course, I’ve noticed her. I’m not fucking dead. But Jesus, Connor. She’s been with Chase the asshole star quarterback for so long I figured nobody even paid attention to her anymore. I mean, there’s taken and then there’s Laura Carollton taken. They’re probably talking about their impending wedding plans right now.”
“Yeah, Connor. She’s so into him it’s like she can’t see he’s a total tool,” Rich says with a chuckle. “Not that she’s not hot, but like Mike said, she’s so taken there’s no point in even looking at her.”
“Doesn’t mean I can’t notice her and think I’d do her.”
It’s not that they’re wrong. Laura Carollton is Chase’s. Nobody’s saying otherwise. But Jeez, can’t a guy dream?
As I sit there on that cold rock fantasizing about what it would be like to be with her, Samantha and Kelsey call out from the path, “Hey, you guys out here?”
They sound unsure, like they think we’re the kind of asshole guys who’d say we’re going to be partying in the woods but bailed, leaving them out here alone. Obviously, they don’t know us. We’re not the type to leave once the beers have started.
“Over here!” Mike yells.
I see Rich look over toward the path and watch the current girl of his dreams as she and her friend walk over to join us. She smiles in his direction when she sits down on the rock next to him, so he has a good chance of getting together with her tonight. The other one sits down next to me, strangely enough. I was sure she’d be more interested in Mike. Girls always are.
“What’s up?” he asks, taking on the role of host in the absence of any female attention on him. “Want a beer?”
Both girls say yes, and it doesn’t take long before we’re all laughing about some story Mike tells about the last time we were out here and he got so damn drunk he pissed himself over in the bushes. Like usual, he’s the center of attention, but for one of the rare times in our friendship, Rich and I got the girls.
Samantha seems to really be into Rich, and a short time after she and her friend join us, those two pair off and walk away to be alone. Kelsey and I listen to Mike tell another story about something his parents did when they all went away on vacation to Dollywood last summer, and when he gets to the part where his father thought some guy in drag was Dolly Parton and he ran up to him and gave the guy a big hug, we all laugh until our sides hurt.
Truly enjoying the memory, he leans back and falls onto the leaves covering the ground. Kelsey and I look over to see that he’s okay, and I give his leg a push.
“Mike? You good?” I ask, secretly hoping he stays down there so I can get some alone time with this girl.
“Mmm…good. I’m just going to rest here for a minute,” he says in a drunken voice before passing out.
Kelsey giggles and then smiles at me. “I think your friend is toast.”
“Yeah, but that’s a good thing, don’t you think?”
Not exactly my smoothest line, but it will have to do. She seems pretty willing anyway, so unless I grow another head or start rambling about having a doll collection I spend hours dressing up, I think I should be good to go.
I take her hand and guide her away from drunken Mike and in the opposite direction from where Rich and Samantha are so we can have some privacy. Kelsey holds onto me tightly as we climb over rotting logs and rocks left behind when other people moved them to have their own firepit.
“Do you know your way around here?” she asks right before she trips over a huge rock.
I catch her and answer her question. “Yeah, don’t worry. I’ve got you.”
We walk for about five minutes before I remember I didn’t grab more beers for us. Damn! Oh, well. If I’m lucky, I won’t be drinking much in the next hour or so anyway.
I finally find a place that isn’t too hilly or too littered with rotting logs and stones too big to move. We sit down on the ground to get comfortable, and Kelsey says something about wishing we had a blanket. It’s not a bad idea, but I wasn’t planning on getting laid tonight.
That right there is the difference between Mike and me. He’s always planning on getting some whenever he leaves his house.For me, it’s like the damn stars have to line up perfectly, and even then it’s not a sure thing.
But tonight it’s going to happen. If anything or anyone dares to get in my way, I swear I’m going to gut them.
