Two women walk into the café, and I hurriedly look over to see if I know them. I breathe a sigh of relief when I realize I don’t. Hopefully, they won’t sit at any of the tables around us.
I take a deep breath and let it out through my nose in a rush. I want to talk about this. I just have to suck it up and say the words.
Leaning in toward Kelsey, I say in a voice barely above a whisper, “I feel like my entire life is a fraud.”
Her dark eyes fill with sympathy, and I can’t help but feel better. Even merely saying that single sentence makes me feel like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders.
“Thank you for not thinking I’m a horrible person. Honestly, I think most people would believe I am because I have so much.”
She gives me a tiny smile and then asks, “Can I tell you a story?”
“Sure.”
Kelsey swallows hard and blows the air out of her mouth before she starts. “I was a teenager when this happened. In hindsight, I guess I should have known better than to believe in my boyfriend, but that’s all water under the bridge. I try to remember what we do as eighteen year old girls shouldn’t determine our entire lives.”
Even more cryptic than what I said, her words intrigue me. I listen with rapt attention, wondering how this may relate to my problems.
“So, I was eighteen and had the world by the tail. I was a beautiful girl. You probably wouldn’t be able to tell that looking at me today, but I had high cheekbones and great skin. I don’t think I ever even had more than a pimple or two all during my teenage years. I had no problem attracting boys, and I enjoyed dating, never getting too involved so I was tied down.”
When she stops, I smile and say, “Smart girl. Teenage girls too often let themselves get sucked into serious relationships before they’re ready to handle them.”
She holds her hand up and shakes her head. “Save the compliments for later. Trust me. I wasn’t smart enough.”
Now I’m intrigued. Without taking my eyes off her as she continues to speak, I lift the iced latte cup to my mouth and take a sip.
“So, it’s fall and my friend and I are hanging out downtown in the city we lived in. Actually, it was closer to a small town, but to us, it was our stomping grounds. We’re out on a Friday night just having a good time when these three boys approach us at a little store and ask if we want to have some fun. They seemed nice, sowe said yes. It all felt very normal since we routinely met new people and hung out with them every weekend.”
I sense a sadness has crept into her words, but she continues to smile as she speaks. I’m curious to know if this story will tell me what happened to give her those terrible scars on her face, but I fear that will be a very dark story, and we likely haven’t spoken long enough for her to share that.
“We used to do the same thing where I lived,” I say. “It was what you did before the internet when you lived in a small town.”
Kelsey nods and then chuckles a little. “True. Life was very different back then. We didn’t have phones in our pockets all the time. Meeting people in person was the way it was. So my friend and I met these three guys, and before I say any more, please know that she and I talked about how safe it was for two girls and three guys to be hanging out in the woods together. We weren’t stupid. I’d say we were just naïve.”
“Things were different back then. Trust me, I know. I wouldn’t be happy if my two girls went out with three boys, though. That probably sounds paranoid. Maybe it’s just different when you become a mother.”
“Hmm…maybe,” she says before continuing. “So one of the boys was too drunk to even do much more than talk, so when the five of us met up in the woods near the store, it was basically even—two boys and two girls. My friend wasn’t worried, but I had been, so when I saw him fall over a log and his friends said he was just drunk, I felt better about everything.”
She stops and then says, “I shouldn’t have.”
The way she says that is so serious that I feel a chill run down my spine. I’m completely focused on her now, so curious about what could have happened to her.
I wait as she finishes her scone and then washes it down with a big swig of her latte. “So we were hanging out having a good time. It was the same as any other weekend with any other newpeople. We had a couple beers, laughed a lot, especially at their friend who had passed out in the damp leaves next to the log, and although my friend and I didn’t do it, the two boys smoked a joint. When I say it was a very typical night in the town we lived in, I mean it. I think you could have found dozens of us spread throughout the woods that night doing the same exact thing.”
My parents were stricter than I imagine hers were, so even at eighteen, I spent very little time with boys. My mother always worried that I’d get pregnant before I married, so she made it her life’s work to keep me as pure as possible.
I’ve always thought I missed out on so many fun times, but now as Kelsey tells me her story, I wonder if my mother had done me the biggest favor. I don’t resent her for how closely she watched me back then. Not anymore.
Kelsey looks around the café and then returns her attention to me as a man walks by us before choosing a table on the other side of the room. “So we were having fun, and my friend wanted to be alone with the boy she liked. I don’t remember his name, but it doesn’t matter. He turned out to be an okay guy. I wish I could say the one I was talking to was.”
Now I definitely see she’s sadder than when she began telling me her story, so I say, “If you don’t want to continue, that’s okay. This sounds like a story that comes with a lot of emotion.”
“It does, but I think you should hear it. It might give you some perspective on what you’re dealing with.”
The girl at the counter yells out an order, and one of the women who walked in a few minutes ago grabs two coffees and a hot ham and cheese sandwich to take back to the table she’s sharing with her friend near the window. The scent of the ham drifts over toward where we’re sitting, and I consider telling Kelsey I’m going to order one, but I don’t want to interrupt her story.
“We walked a little further into the woods and got cozy on a couple rocks. Like most boys his age, he was interested in going as far as he could, but I kept him to just kissing. He didn’t have an issue with that, which was nice. I knew my friend and the boy she was with weren’t too far away, and it was all good. We kissed for a little while and then went to find them.”
Kelsey stops, and I swear I see her eyes get teary. I don’t want to pressure her to continue if she’s upset, but now I’m dying to know what happened.
