“Boss,” Dante said once we were alone. “I know it’s a shock but having another little heathen with Luc, it was bound to be on the cards eventually.”
“It’s not that,” I said to him through tears.
“What’s wrong?” Dante was trying his best to fix everything. I couldn’t imagine just how much had fallen on his shoulders while Luc was out of action.
“I’m scared,” I admitted quietly. My wrapped hands rested on my abdomen as I replayed the fights with Franco and Xavier, the stress and the pain my body had to fight through. I’d need a miracle to keep this pregnancy and I didn’t believe they existed.
“You’re scared?” Dante repeated. “I’m terrified. This is the second pregnancy I’ve found out about before Luc. He’s going to kill me when he finds out.” When he saw his usual jovial attitude wasn’t breaking through my fear, Dante sobered up. “What are you scared of?”
“I’m going to lose this baby,” I cried. No ‘if’ or ‘but’. I felt almost certain of the outcome. It was selfish. I had Link. Link, who was healthy and safe and waiting for me at home, but knowing I had another baby starting to grow and the odds of everything carrying on without issue further chipped away at my fragile heart.
“How can I help?” Dante didn’t tell me that I wouldn’t. He would never give me false hope.
My eyes stayed focused on his hands for a few moments, fixated on the rosary beads. I didn’t believe in God. I’d never believed in God. I couldn’t reconcile myself with a creator who’d taken my mother away and let me and Dad struggle through life, but I was out of options. Karma, manifestation, whatever other powers I’d relied on for years had let me down and He was the only thing I’d yet to put my faith in.
“Pray with me.”
Dante wasn’t quick enough to keep the shock off his face, but he straightened up and said, “Of course, boss.” He found the crucifix on the beads and made the sign of the cross before starting. “I believe in God.”
I just hoped that Dante’s belief was enough for the three of us.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Lucas
The moment Mia had walked into the room with Dante, a few days after surgery and released from intensive care, was the moment my soul felt at peace. Despite the fact that he’d told me she was safe, seeing her with my own eyes cemented the fact that she was alive and breathing and mine. She was scarred and broken but she was here with me. My wife was a survivor.
Mia’s joy at seeing me had lasted most of the morning before she had torn a strip from me for running into a burning building. She didn’t see it, the way I placed her on a pedestal. Mia was my reason for living. Without her there was no driving force behind my actions. I’d been created to find and love her. She’d loved me in return and given me my son. This was the woman I’d risk it all for time and again, and knowing how she’d gotten out of the bind with Xavier, hearing the full truth after the lies she’d twisted for the cops, made me love her even more. How could I refuse any wish when she’d fought tooth and nail just to come back to our family? How could I not have risked my own life to make sure she kept hers?
Carefully and quietly, we unpicked the events of that night. Mia filled in the blanks and vice versa. There had been signs that we missed. Ego or arrogance, stupidity or inexperience, whatever the reason was, we’d landed in a situation that had almost taken our lives. From now on, my circle would remain tight. Nothing would be left to chance. I’d never risk Mia or Link again. Not in this lifetime. Not when we had it all.
The repercussions of my rash decision had come back to haunt me. Of all the damage that had been done at the stables, the burns and bruises that made it difficult to breathe, my left leg had taken the brunt of it. While I prepared to conduct business from a hospital bed, answering questions and making decisions that would secure our future, one thing continued to cause concern above all else. The doctors’ dwindling optimism had come to a grinding halt, and today they voiced what we’d been hoping we could avoid. Amputation was becoming the most viable option because it didn’t look as though circulation would be restored.
What should have been a glimmer of hope in finally being reunited with Mia, became yet another blow. As the doctor left the room, a heavy silence fell over the three of us.
My heart shuddered in my chest at the thought of losing a limb. I wouldn’t be myself. I would be a new version. I’d become a version that needed to learn to adjust to life again. Somewhere in the back of my mind, the twisted part of me wanted to laugh. Invincible. That’s what I’d once thought of myself. Invincible. And I still believed it to be true. I could be a limb down, but I was still alive and that was what slowed the erratic pace of my heart to something more normal. As every other part of me struggled and healed, my ego had yet to take a dent to it.
It could have been a lot worse. It could have been so much worse and that was a fact I was aware of. There were cuts that were deep and fractures that needed to heal. My skin wouldn’t sit smooth and flat in places the way it always had. I was going to lose my leg, but it could have been so much worse.
“Is this my fault?” Mia asked suddenly, turning her attention away from the door, and towards me and Dante.
My brow furrowed. “Mia, none of this is your fault,” I told her.
She’d suffered through more than she ever should have, and the guilt tied her in knots some days. For the most part, Mia knew she’d done what was necessary. When it came down to a choice between her life and Xavier’s, she knew she had more to live for. It’d taken us a long conversation and visits from multiple people for Mia to realise she’d done a favour for more than us by ending his life. This had always been the inevitable conclusion to the narrative, but the shock that Mia tried to absorb was that it had been at her hands rather than mine.
A weaker man might have folded the relationship. My wife had taken care of business that should never have reached her. That she should never have even heard of. My ego hadn’t blinded me yet. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life worshipping the ground she walked on for all the strength she exhibited.
“Is this because I’ve been praying for the baby?” Mia asked, looking past me to Dante as if he suddenly held all the answers.
I didn’t know what to take from that sentence first, so I went with what struck me the most. “You’ve been praying?”
Mia was a devout atheist. Every Sunday, there was a little more sass in her actions as she reluctantly joined my side at church with the hope I’d tell her to stay at home. Her attention was never on the service, instead taking the time to observe the people around us, mind ticking and storing away any information she found useful. Mia didn’t say grace, she wasn’t sold on the idea of a christening, and the church wedding had been my request. So, why was Mia suddenly talking about prayer?
“No, Mia. No,” Dante said, looking straight at her.
“It is, isn’t it? I’ve been praying for the baby and this is the trade off, right? I’ll get that but He’s going to take something from us?” She was growing hysterical. “If that’s the way it works, then that’s not fair! How do you keep doing it if that’s the way this all works?”
“Mia,” I said alarmed, wondering what the hell had been going on lately when I couldn’t be around her.
