Regardless of what anyone thought of Dad, I idolized my father. He had been a strict and intimidating man but had all the time and love in the world for the people who showed him respect and loyalty. It had gutted me when Dad had died, and I was certain a small part of me lay in the grave with him. He was the man I aspired to be.
"What am I even meant to say to her?" I asked.
I’d been away for weeks, and although Mia had tried to reach out, I’d made no attempt to reciprocate. Her messages reminded me that she was okay but otherwise I had tried to push her from my mind. A much more difficult task than I had anticipated. I wanted to delay the inevitable rejection because I was certain there was nothing I could do to convince her otherwise.
"Lucas," Carmen said. "We'll always want to protect the people we love." She looked at her little boy in my arms. "There's no guarantee we will be successful in that, but it doesn't mean we love them any less. If this woman is like you say she is, then it sounds like she will be understanding of your life. You need to start facing up to this instead of avoiding your responsibility.”
I wasn't so sure she would be, but I was driving myself mad and more than anything I missed Mia. I missed hearing her laugh and seeing her face. I missed having her in my arms. I didn’t know it was possible for a single person to have such an effect on the way I felt.
"What do you think, Santi? What am I meant to do? Do you think she'll listen to me?" I said, looking at the boy because I felt that the three-year-old would make less of a mess than I would.
"Fuck!" Santi replied.
Chapter Thirty Nine
Mia
My life had slowly regained structure in the form of a routine. Dante stopped by for breakfast every day. Stefan went to class, Dante went to work, and I spent my days with Lydia and Dom or with my head in a book. After the first week of no replies from Luc, I had given up trying. No one at home brought him up and although I was certain Dante had spoken to him on the phone, I couldn't find the courage to ask after him. Luc was making it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing to do with me.
The only “new” part of my routine was Stefan. We went out every other night to do something and, on the weekend, I would accompany him to the hospital to visit Maria. Unfortunately, another fall had led to an extension on her stay and Stef had visibly taken the weight of the stress, looking exhausted and worried whenever I saw him.
"Okay, Lyds," I said. "Oh, hey D. What are you doing here?"
It was a Friday night and Dante didn't usually come for dinner but tonight he was at the table, looking miserable.
"Hey. It's been a long day and I didn't fancy eating alone. You look nice," he said, nodding at my outfit and I felt myself blush.
"Stefan and I..."
Dante raised an eyebrow and the start of the sentence.
"We're going to the movies," I explained and quickly added, "I can cancel if you want company or you could come with us." The words spilt out of my mouth quickly.
"Just stay safe," Dante told me. "Any problems, you call me." He told me the same thing every morning before he left, and I knew he was just looking out for me. He felt like the older brother I never had and always wanted.
Stefan came up behind me and placed a hand on my waist and I stepped away. "Ready to go?"
Dante looked at us curiously. Stefan had become familiar, but he walked very close to the line, occasionally stepping over it.
"Mhmm," I hummed. "See you guys later." I turned around and squeezed past Stefan to walk down the hall, but I could hear Dante's question.
"What the fuck is going on with those two?"
After the movie, Stefan and I walked home. His hand found mine and I pulled it away still wanting to keep our boundaries firmly in place.
"You're quiet tonight," he said to me.
"I'm sorry. Just a bit worried about having these stitches out." It wasn’t a complete lie. Monday morning, I would finally have my stitches removed.
"Just say the word and I can try and swap into another lab," Stefan told me.
He wasn't able to come to my appointment on Monday and it spiked my anxiety. He had a lab that accounted for a large portion of his grade for the class and I refused to have him do anything that would jeopardize it.
"No, it'll be fine," I said to him. "Dom is coming with me so it's not like I’ll be alone."
"You'll let me know how it goes?"
"Sure. I'll message you after it's done."
