He drained his coffee and looked at me. "Do you know the cathedral in town?"
"Yes," I said. You couldn't miss it. We passed it throughout the last few days and there were always tourists around it.
"I'd like to go there," he told me.
"Sure." Although it felt like an odd request.
A little while later, we arrived at the cathedral and Luc helped me off the motorbike he had rented. Yet another aspect of his life I had grown accustomed to. He had been unusually quiet since requesting the trip, and I felt concerned that something might be wrong.
"Luc, are you okay?"
He looked down at me and nodded. "I'm fine." He took my hand in his, lacing our fingers before walking towards the doors.
"We're going in?"
"Is that okay?" he asked me.
"Yeah, of course." I didn’t believe in God, but I wasn’t afraid I was going to burst into flames upon entering the building.
As we walked inside, I was struck by how large the cathedral was. It was cooler and quieter in here than out on the street and I pulled my jacket tighter around myself. There were a few people inside but nowhere near as packed as it was on the street.
Luc led us quietly up the aisle before taking a seat in one of the pews. I sat down next to him and looked ahead to see a crucifix hanging at the front of the room.
"Luc, sweetheart," I whispered. "Why are we here?"
He still hadn't let go of my hand. "Did you know my Dad was Catholic?"
I shook my head. Luc hadn't really spoken about Charlie and I hadn't asked because it felt like thin ice. I had caught him one night in his Dad’s office when I woke up and saw he wasn’t beside me. Luc hadn’t said much that night and let me lead him back to bed. I had refrained from asking questions. In that moment, Luc needed me to be there for him not to have me picking apart a sensitive aspect of his life. The fact he had brought up the topic made it feel a little more like safe territory.
"Are you?" I asked.
"I'm not very practicing," Luc admitted. "But I guess if someone asked me, I'd say I'm Catholic."
"I'm a little surprised." Religion had never been something we broached in our conversations. I’d seen the cross tattooed on his arm and the rosary that wrapped around the other, but I hadn’t realized the depth of meaning behind them.
There was a low rumble of laughter and he squeezed my hand. "It helps to believe in something when you do the work I do, Mia. Helps to know that someone will forgive you even when you can't forgive yourself."
I felt my heart ache for the man next to me. Regardless of how he appeared to people, Luc had his own demons to deal with. I wondered how many people forgot that Luc was actually human.
"Don't get me wrong, I'm probably going straight to hell," Luc said with a definite nod. "I've broken most rules, right? Murder, drink in excess, barely attend mass, sex before marriage, sex for pleasure, can't remember the last time I went to confession... The list goes on."
"You're not going to hell, Luc," I told him. I wasn’t sure I believed in the existence of a heaven or hell enough to warrant believing any of us would end up in one or the other.
He looked at me for a few moments before he smiled. "You give me too much credit."
I squeezed his hand. I hated when Luc thought like this. For the most part, we lived each day as it came but every now and then he got caught up in his thoughts. We’d spend nights where Luc held me tighter than usual in bed and ask me to love him no matter what. He didn't understand that I wouldn't be able to stop loving him now, regardless of what he'd done in the past or what he did in the future.
"I think I'd like to pray in case God isn't as sure about it as you are," Luc said to me. I went to take my hand from Luc’s, but he didn't let go. "My God," Luc started. "I am sorry for my sins with all my heart."
Glancing at him, I saw his eyes were close and his head bowed slightly. "In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against You, Whom I should love above all things."
I felt his fingers twitch against my hand. I closed my eyes and listened to the low timbre of Luc's voice as he recited the prayer. "I firmly intend, with Your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for us. In His name."
There was a quiver in his voice as he finished. "My God, have mercy."
Luc opened his eyes and I did the same a moment later and said, "Your Dad taught you that?"
"He thought that was the most important one I learned," Luc explained. "Hypocritical really, because I say I'll avoid whatever leads me to sin. That's a flimsy promise with my work."
