I made it to the stall before my knees gave out. Delicate but persistent. Gabriel had used those exact words, that exact metaphor.
The toilet was cold against my forehead as I fought not to vomit. How many? How many women had he practiced on before perfecting his approach with me? How many Elenas and Katyas and Minas had there been, testing responses, refining techniques?
"Bunny?" Nathan's voice, concerned. "You okay?"
"No." The word echoed off porcelain and tile.
"I'm coming in."
I didn't move when the door opened, couldn't find the energy to be embarrassed about being found curled around a toilet like a drunk freshman. He crouched beside me, hand gentle on my back.
"Talk to me."
"Light through water." The words came out cracked. "He told Elena she moved like light through water. Delicate but persistent. Same exact words he used on me."
Understanding dawned in his eyes. "Christ."
"There were others. Before me. He practiced on them, refined his technique, learned what worked." I laughed, sharp and ugly. "I thought I was special. Thought he saw something unique in me. But I was just the successful iteration of a formula he'd been perfecting. I knew there were others – but for some reason I still thought I was special to him."
"That doesn't diminish what you survived."
"Doesn't it?" I pushed myself up, back against the stall wall. "Every word he said, every gesture that seemed so perfectly tailored to my specific damage—all rehearsed. All tested on other women who didn't quite fit his needs."
"Or who escaped before he could fully spring the trap."
"Or who died during training." The thought hit like ice water. "Oh god. What if there were others who didn't survive his games? What if I'm only alive because he'd already worked out what broke previous versions?"
Nathan pulled me against him, and I let him, needing the anchor. "You're not a version. You're not an iteration. You're Bunny, and you survived something monstrous."
"By becoming what he wanted. By adapting perfectly to his conditioning." My fingers twisted in his shirt. "Don't you see? Even my survival was part of his design. He kept refining until he found someone who would break just right. Bend without snapping."
"Stop." His voice was firm. "You're spiraling into his narrative again. Yes, he was a predator who perfected his hunting. But your survival? Your choices? Your recovery? Those are yours."
"The compound." I pulled back to look at him. "We need to check the compound. If there were others—"
"Already done. Cadaver dogs went through after the raid. They found remains. Three women, different stages of decomposition. The forensics team is working on identification."
Three women. Three failed experiments before he got it right with me. I pressed my palms against my eyes until I saw stars. "Their families?"
"We're trying to match DNA with missing persons. It's slow work."
"They have names. Had names. He would have kept records, trophies." I stood, legs shaky but functional. "His study, the locked cabinet. I was never allowed near it."
"We'll check." He steadied me, hands careful on my waist. "But right now, you need to get out of here. Process this somewhere that doesn't smell like despair."
I nodded, let him guide me through hallways that blurred together. The other agents we passed looked away, granting the privacy of ignored breakdown. Professional courtesy for someone coming apart at the seams.
The ride to his apartment passed in fragments. City lights. Radio chatter. Nathan's hand finding mine at red lights. I felt hollow, scraped clean by revelation. Everything I'd thought I knew about my captivity, about Gabriel's obsession with me specifically, crumbled like ash.
"Shower," I said when we got inside. "I need to shower."
But I just stood under the spray, water too hot, skin reddening. My mind kept circling back to Elena. Light through water. How many times had he used that line? How many women had felt special, seen, chosen?
I didn't hear Nathan enter the bathroom, but suddenly he was there, fully clothed under the spray, pulling me against him. "Hey. Come back."
"I can't stop hearing their stories. Their voices. So young, so hopeful when they talked about him. Before." I pressed my face into his soaked shirt. "I sounded like that once. Grateful to be noticed."
"You were manipulated by an expert. They all were."
