“Really. I would have done it anyway, but apparently, my dad didn’t drink while my mom was pregnant, and it made her feel a lot better.”
“Your parents are almost too sweet.” Bella took another sip of her water. “Mine still don’t even know about the baby.”
Luke met her gaze across the table. “You told me that, and I didn’t question it, but… are you sure? I can’t imagine your parents would be anything but overjoyed at the prospect of a grandchild.”
“You don’t know my parents,” Bella said gently. She sighed and looked away. “I suppose you should know at least something about them.” She paused for a long moment, until Luke began to wonder if he should say something, before she spoke again.
“My parents are both lawyers. They love to argue, and they love to be the best… and I wasn’t the best. I never was. I didn’t get very good grades in school — Bs and Cs, but rarely As, even though I tried. They love to ski and entered competitions, but I was only ever average at that, too. At first, they encouraged me, but as the years went by, they were more and more disappointed in me.”
She looked away, one finger absently tracing the rim of her waterglass. “They always thought I wasn’t trying, and not trying was the worst thing, in their book. They wanted me to be excellent, and I was justme. After a while, I’d heard too many times that I was a failure and a disappointment. I decided it was time to move on. I figured I could get some space in college, but they told me that they wouldn’t pay for my education, since I probably wouldn’t work hard enough anyway. I applied anyway, got a scholarship based on one really good essay, not my grades, and left on my own. I haven’t spoken to them much since. I’ve tried a few times, but every time… they’re just disappointed, and it ends badly.”
“Oh, Bella.” Luke’s heart went out to her. “I’m so sorry. That’s awful.”
“It was hard.” She looked at him now, and there was no hesitation in her green eyes. “But I know I’ll never be that kind of mother to our son, and that gives me comfort.”
“You won’t,” Luke agreed. “And Bella, youareexcellent. Maybe not at skiing or schoolwork, but at the things that actually matter.”
“Like cooking?” Bella smiled slightly.
“Sure, but I meant like being a good, kind, smart, selfless person. And you’ll be a wonderful mother.”
“Thank you.” She looked away again. “But I’m not so sure. I mean, I’ve never even really dated. Guys are always put off by my love of my work, or by how I talk or something. I don’t know. But I’ve never had a serious relationship.” She glanced at Luke. “I bet now you’re second-guessing your plans to live with me and raise our kid together long-term.”
“Not at all.” On impulse, Luke took her hand across the table and squeezed it. “Bella, those guys missed out. And I’m glad they did, because if you’d been in a serious relationship, we never would have met. I’ll be happy every day of my life that wedidmeet and that we’re having a child.”
“Really?” Bella bit her lip. She looked suddenly vulnerable, like she had in the hospital bed, instead of like the confident and bold woman she usually was.
“Really,” Luke repeated. Just then, the waiter arrived with steaming dishes of food, and he let go of her hand.
“Asparagus and oyster mushroom risotto with a side of local greens sautéed with garlic,” the waiter explained, smiling at them. “Enjoy.”
“Thank you,” Bella and Luke said in unison.
For a moment after the waiter left, they both looked down at the food. Then Bella spoke again, still looking down.
“Sorry. I know we’re keeping a little distance between us, and what I told you doesn’t fit with that.”
“No. Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you told me.” Luke cleared his throat. “Actually, there’s probably something I should tell you, too.”
“Okay.”
Luke wasn’t sure where to start. It had been a very, very long time since he’d talked about Jenna, but Bella had been brave and honest and vulnerable, and she deserved the same from him.
“I told you that I was married before,” Luke said. Bella nodded. “Her name was Jenna. We met in residency, fell in love, and were married within a few months. We had all kinds of dreams about our future.” He let out a breath. “Six months after our wedding, she was driving home late at night after a long shift, and she was hit by a semitruck that skidded on black ice. They rushed her to the hospital, but she was DOA. She never had a chance. I wasn’t even working that night, so I didn’t know about any of this until later. I just knew that she didn’t come home.
“The doctors did the best they could. I couldn’t have saved her, either. But her death shattered my world. We only knew each other for a year, but I thought we’d have a whole life together. I couldn’t stay in Minnesota after that, so I came to Portland. And I decided I wasn’t ever going to fall in love again, because I couldn’t take another loss like that.”
He looked across the table at Bella. Her green eyes were shining with tears, and his chest clenched. He shouldn’t have told her this. It was too much — and, worse, it might make her doubt how he felt abouther.Luke still wasn’t sure how he felt about Bella, but he knew he felt something. Something deep and important and unforgettable.
And now she was crying, and it was all his fault.
CHAPTER 18
BELLA
Bella felt like an idiot, crying when it was Luke who’d lost his wife, and Luke who’d been hurt. She wiped away her tears with a fingertip and looked across at him again. He looked worried — very worried.
“I am so sorry about Jenna,” she said.
