“What do you mean?” The question buys me time because I know exactly what she’s getting at. I just don’t want to say it aloud.
She crosses her arms, unconvinced. “If you and Sam are sleeping together, it’s not casual.”
“It’s just a fling.” My voice lacks conviction. A weird queasiness bubbles up in my stomach, twisting tight.
“Does Sam know that?”
Her tone’s deceptively light, but her eyes are sharp, cutting right through me. She’s stopped pretending to get the snacks ready—her full attention’s locked on me now.
“Well…we haven’t exactly said it.” I fidget from foot to foot. “But…”
“So let me ask you this.” Her hands land on her hips. “Doeshethink you’re exclusive?”
My silence fills the room.
Sam and I have never had the conversation, not in those blunt, defining terms. And I’m not sure I want to, because I already know what he’d say. Or what I’m afraid he’d say.
My best friend guards me like prey. Like she’s ready to pounce if I don’t admit the obvious.
“Okay.” She’ s reluctant to relent. “Then what if Sam started seeing someone else? Say…Miss Yasmine Thibault.”
The name alone sparks something primal in me. A growl slips from between my lips before I can stop it, my fists balling tight.
One corner of Sin’s mouth rises as her eyes flicker with a smug satisfaction. “Didn’t think so.”
“It’s casual.” My tone is defensive, my body language even more so. “It can’t be anything more.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not starting another relationship,” I say, the words tumbling out fast now, half defiant, half afraid. “I’m almost two years on my own and I like it. I’m good at it. I don’t want some man defining my life again. Been there, done that, not going back.”
Her brows rise, offended. “And you think Colin defines my life because I’ve been married to him for twenty years?”
“Oh, God, no. That’s not what I mean. I just—” My voice softens. “I don’t want to fall into the same trap again. I have no regrets about my life with Pete.”
Sin raises a brow, skeptical but silent.
“I don’t.” Why do I sound like I’m trying to convince myself more than anyone else. “I mean, sure, I wish some things were different, but I can’t regret my life with him. He gave me Drew and Paige. I wouldn’t trade them for the world.”
Sin’s expression softens immediately. “Aww, honey, of course not.”
My arms wrap around my middle. “Still, it feels wrong somehow. Weak. Like I’m betraying that version of myself who decided she could stand alone. When I left Pete, I’d made peace with being single. I didn’t think there was anyone out there who could give me what I wanted, and I was okay with that. I washappyon my own.”
I glance out the window again, my reflection overlapping Sam’s image outside. “I was more alone with Pete than by myself, and I was fine with it. It was freeing. Then Sam happened.
“And he could be…everything. He’s not perfect—no one is—but I’ve never had this before. Not even when things with Pete were good. And I don’t know if I’m ready for that. So, yeah, we’re keeping it casual.” I break eye contact, needing space from her scrutiny, from my own honesty.
Outside, Sam’s talking to Drew, Colin, and Finn. He’s completely unaware of Marci’s wide-eyed stare from the pool or the neighbors, Mrs. Sims and Mrs. Patterson, pretending not to look. Paige and Pippa exchange giggles, sneaking glances before turning away, red-faced.
Sin joins me at the glass, following my gaze. She arches a brow, amusement dancing in her expression.
“They’re human. And they’re teenage girls—well, mostly. You’d have to be dead, a lesbian, or blind not to look at him twice.” Her sly grin is matched only by the glint in her eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with that.”
I huff a laugh, grateful for the levity.
Not long after, we carry out snacks and drinks to the patio. As I set the tray down, Sam’s head lifts. His smile spreads slow and wide, dimples deepening, eyes locked on me with a look that makes my pulse stutter.
Even with all my worries about the distance, and where this could possibly lead—I can’t fight the truth.
