"Sometimes when people love someone very much, they get scared of losing them. And sometimes that fear makes them push people away."
"I don’t understand."
"I know. Grown-up feelings don't always make sense."
"Is she going to come back? When she's not scared anymore?"
"I hope so, sweetheart. I really hope so."
Their footsteps retreated. Truck doors opened, closed. The engine started and faded into silence.
I slid down the door, my back scraping against the wood, until I was crumpled on the floor. The tears came then, hot and silent.
Congratulations, Emma. You've successfully made a six-year-old cry and probably traumatized her for life. Really excellent work. Add it to the resume, right under "professional coward" and "world-class self-saboteur."
Moments later, my phone rang, shattering the silence. I grabbed it without thinking.
"What the hell, Emma?"
Maggie. Of course.
"Hi, Maggie."
"Don't 'hi Maggie' me. I just drove past your place. Saw Cole's truck leaving. Sarah was crying in the front seat. Crying, Emma. That little girl who's been through more than any kid should have to go through. What did you do?"
"I didn't?—"
"What did you do?"
I closed my eyes. "I ended things."
"You ended things," she repeated flatly. "With the man who looks at you like you hung the moon? With the child who calls you Mommy?"
"She shouldn't be calling me that."
"Why? Because you don't deserve it? Because you're so hurt you can't accept love when it's standing on your doorstep?"
"Maggie—"
"No. I've watched you do this for a year. The polite distance, the surface friendships, the way you keep everyone at arm's length. I let it slide because you were grieving. But this?" Her voice cracked with frustration. "This is you burning down your own house because you're scared of a fire that hasn't started."
"You don't understand."
"Then explain it to me. Use small words."
"There's a missing couple." The confession burst out before I could stop it. "In the forest. A ranger came to tell me. They went hiking and didn't come back."
Silence on the other end.
"Cole lives on that mountain," I continued, the words tumbling out in a flood. "He walks those trails every day. What happens when the ranger comes to my door about them? What happens when I get that call?"
"Emma—"
"I can't do it again, Maggie. I can't love someone and wait for the wilderness to take them. I can't build a life with people who think mountains are playgrounds. I can't survive another loss like Lily."
"So your solution is to lose them now? On purpose?"
"It's not?—"
