“So, you fucked that nigga?” he disregarded everything Tuck had just said. He never denied it.
“Yeah, I did. Now what?” Tuck admitted with fiery eyes. “Fuck you gon’ do about it, nigga?”
“But you said—”
“I don't give a fuck what I said. Don't nobody check me and that includes you.”
Is this what heartbreak was? Is this how all the women Jovanis had thrown to the wayside felt when he’d had enough of acting heterosexual and dumped them without warning? Or when he played the part long enough for him to pick apart a flaw and declare he couldn’t deal with it. Jovanis never had compassion for those women. So, through his perspective, it was a fair exchange no robberies.
But this here.
This felt like a knife to his gut, slicing through vital organs and killing him inside. The one person he’d fallen for hadshitted all over him and didn’t offer any tissue. Tuck embodied a man who didn’t care for his feelings. The smug expression on his face displayed that he wasn’t concerned with the condition of Jovanis’ heart. It was broken beyond repair. There was no way he’d be able to be put back together again after this.
“Bitch, I’m ‘bout to ruin you.” Jovanis’ smile was laced with sin.
Tuck’s lips formed into a smirk as he nodded. “Bitch, don't forget who you talking to. I still got pull in this bitch. It don't matter if I’m wearing this jumpsuit or a tailored suit. Don't ever threaten me, nigga. I still move the same way I did on the streets. So, try me.”
Jovanis bobbed his head. “Yeah, I got you.”
“You better act like you know who I am before shit get ugly,” Tuck continued on with his threats. “If I knew you were a bitch, I would’ve never fucked with you.”
“Wow, so playing with my feelings makes me a bitch?”
“Yeah, a big bitch.” Tuck’s gaze seared into him.
Jovanis was still a man when the sun set. He would never allow anyone, especially his lover, to disrespect him. Witnessing Tuck not have an ounce of care for him was eye opening. It actually burned so bad that Jovanis thought he needed to check into the hospital.
“We’ll see if you talkin’ that gangsta shit when I’m done with you.” Jovanis stood.
There was a semblance of worry that flashed through Tuck’s face, but he quickly replaced it with a simper.
“Don’t leave this earth early,” he warned.
Jovanis nodded and headed toward the door. Walking away felt heavy. It incited a memory to emerge that wouldn’tleave his mind. It was the first time he felt condemned for what he’d been running away from.
2007
Jovanis sat in the living room, watching a music video with his uncles and their homeboys. It was a rare occasion where they were all home at the same time. Uncle Mel and Fish were usually running the streets and Jovanis wasn’t too far behind them. Living with them for the past five years prompted a transformation. He was no longer that timid, fearful kid he once was. Now, Jovanis hit licks, stole cars, and considered selling weed.
“You see that bitch right there.” Mel licked his lips. “I would eat her ass.”
Fish smacked his lips. “Ass, my nigga? Nah, you trippin’.”
“I don't give a fuck. I’ll put my tongue all through that bitch,” Mel declared.
Bone laughed. “You a nasty-ass bitch.”
While they went on and on about the woman in the video, Jovanis fantasized about the rapper. He licked his lips, loving the curvature on his muscular arms. It had been so many years since Jovanis was first confronted with the idea of him being attracted to the same sex. He fought it, praying that it was a phase but as time passed by, his attraction grew.
“Van!”
Checking out of his thoughts, he looked at Mel. “What?”
“Tell these niggas ol’ girl fine enough to get her ass ate.”
Jovanis looked at the girl again, determining she was beautiful. However, she did nothing for him. He didn’t even fantasize about her being naked.
“Nah, Unc, you trippin’.”
