"What the hell is wrong with you?"
2
Edward
Baron’s jaw hardens.He grabs my shoulder, hauls me up.My head lolls.My back feels too disjointed to hold me up, and I slump back onto the floor.
"Shit.Shit.Shit."I hear Baron swearing above me as he grabs my shoulders and yanks me up to my feet.My knees buckle and I lean into him.He throws his arm around me, props me up."What did you take, Ed?"he growls."What have you shot yourself up with this time?"
"What the hell does it matter to you?"
"It shouldn’t, you piece of crap," Baron snarls, "but unfortunately, I found you and if I let you die, I may never forgive myself."
"So, you’re doing this for yourself?"I taunt.
"I’m doing this because you don’t get to take the easy way out, you tosser."
"Trust me, nothing easy about it," I mutter.
"Trust me, from where I am, I am tempted join you down there in your haze of forgetfulness."
"But you won’t."
"Drugs are not my style," he declares as he begins to drag me toward the doorway of the room."When I decide to go, it’ll be in a blaze of glory."
"A-n-d, there you have it," I mutter to an imaginary audience, "the difference between this mofo here and me.I am willing to chase the high; you seek a high from the chase."
"What’s the difference?"Baron scowls as he yanks me out of the room, down the steps, and away from the space where I’d hoped to end my life.Shit, one lousy thing I’d hope to accomplish and I’ve screwed that up too.I’d set myself one task.To shoot up enough that I wouldn’t live to face the light again, and I hadn’t managed to complete it.Why the hell am I so useless?
"The difference, Ed..."Baron’s voice cuts through the thoughts rolling in my head.
"What?"I swallow, "What are you talking about?"
"The difference between chasing the high and seeking a high from the chase," he says patiently."You were going to tell me the difference?"
What the hell is he talking about?Or is he talking just to keep me awake so I don’t lapse into a sleep that I don’t come back from?And would that be so bad?
He reaches the front door of the building, kicks it open, and yanks me out into the fresh air.Sunshine.Brightness.Argh.I throw up my arm… Or at least, I try to.Sadly, my body is still not responding to my instructions.What’s the point of having arms and legs if they simply dangle at my sides, huh?Maybe if I simply stay still, try not to move, close my eyes and—
"Edward, wake the hell up."
Something connects with my cheek.The haziness in my head thins.I open my eyes to find I am on the sidewalk, on my back, Baron leaning over me.
"You slapped me, asshole?"I slur."What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What’s wrong with you?"he growls."Why the hell are you trying to kill yourself."
"You know why," I mutter, "you were there too."
"That’s the point, you douchebag."His jaw tics."I was there too.I went through what you did too.I live through every harrowing second of those hours, but I am not here trying to shoot myself up with poison."
"No," I chuckle, "you’re out chasing a different kind of high.The kind that comes with putting your life on the line with extreme sports."
"At least if I go, it will be mid-jump, or on my way to the bottom of the sea, or climbing a mountain.I’ll be in full command of my senses and aware of what I am doing."
"You mean, unlike me?"
"You weren’t like this Ed.You were never a coward."
