I tell her how he brought up the idea of buying a place together on Friday. I’ve been considering it, but I’ve tried to avoid the topic.
‘This is a major decision and I need to figure out how I feel.’
I take a deep breath as I look out the window, feeling my thoughts get tangled up in my mind. ‘Buying a house together is a huge step in our relationship, and there are so many factors to consider. Is this really what we both want? Are we ready?’
Kayla listens intently, her eyes full of concern. ‘Have you talked to him about this?’
I shake my head, feeling a lump form in my throat. ‘No, not yet. I don’t want to hurt him or make him feel like I’m not committed to our relationship. He wants us to move to the next level.’
I’m torn between feeling excited about the prospect of us taking such a big step forward and scared at the thought of making such a commitment and tying us to each other for years to come. Will it make us closer or push us further apart?
Kayla places a comforting hand on mine. ‘Daisy, you can’t keep your feelings bottled up inside. You need to talk to him andlet him know how you’re feeling. It’s not fair to either of you to keep pretending that everything is okay when it’s not.’
I take a deep breath. ‘Who knows, I might be overthinking it. Perhaps it’s just a phase and we’ll get that spark back. I think we’ve just had a hectic time lately – and now I’m here, for a month, so it’s not the best time to bring up any heavy stuff over the phone, you know?’
Kayla nods understandingly. ‘I get that, but at the same time, you owe it to both yourself and him to be honest about how you feel. Maybe you can work through it together.’
We sit in silence for a moment, watching the couple on the beach. Suddenly, the man drops to one knee, pulling out a small box from his pocket. My heart skips a beat as the woman gasps in surprise, tears streaming down her face.
Kayla lets out a squeal of excitement, clapping her hands. ‘Oh my God, he’s proposing!’
I watch in awe as the woman nods frantically, throwing her arms around the man as he slips a ring onto her finger. The whole bus erupts into cheers and applause as they kiss, and the driver does a little jig in celebration, the moment feeling almost magical.
Seeing the couple so happy and in love, I can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. Will I ever experience that kind of love? The kind that takes your breath away and makes you feel like you’re the only two people in the world? I’m not at the same level with Ash yet, but trust and understanding could grow over time and our relationship could become even stronger.
Kayla nudges me. ‘What are you thinking about?’
I shake my head, trying to push the negative thoughts aside. ‘Nothing, just feeling happy for them. I’d love something like what those two have.’
Kayla’s expression softens. ‘Nobody’s relationship is perfect all the time. We’ve just caught these two having the best day oftheir life. But don’t forget what you already have. You have a good man who loves you.’
‘I know,’ I reply, my voice barely above a whisper.
‘I’m sure you’re just going through a phase. It happens to all of us. Trust me, there’s no such thing as the perfect person. Relationships take work and compromise. You have a good thing going with Ash.’
I take a deep breath and nod in agreement. Maybe Kayla’s right. I just need to appreciate what I have and stop thinking about something that may not even exist. I’m not about to throw everything away because of a feeling, a fantasy. But there’s no need to rush either, not when there’s an obvious solution to how to move forward: Ash and I use the inheritance money to rent a place that will be absolutely perfect, way above our current budget. That way, we can move in together like we planned, while putting off purchasing a house until later. I need to be completely sure I’m right for Ash and both of us want the same things out of life before taking on the commitment of buying a place together.
The bus jolts forward, and the driver announces that there’s, ‘Nothing to fear, she just needed a bit of love and patience and she’s on her way!’
His words seem like they’re directed straight at me. A prophecy. An omen. A sign.
As we drive away, the engine now melodically humming, I look out the window one final time and spot the couple strolling along the beach hand in hand.
And I can’t help but think that maybe there is nothing to fear.
Maybe all we need is a little love and patience to get going again.
CHAPTER 15
THE NOTEBOOK
The Irish landscape delivers. No filter required.There really are forty shades of green, everywhere!
The winding country road snakes through verdant hills, stretching past thick forests and alongside glistening lakes and rippling rivers. Dappled horses and lazing cows dot the meadows. Scattered among them are quaint cottages with thatched roofs, painted white with bright red doors, all draped in ivy and roses. Kayla is now passed out asleep in the seat by the window, her head resting against the back of the seat and snoring loudly as usual. Even though she’d love to be wide awake to take in all the sights, I don’t dare disturb her rest – there’ll be plenty of time for viewing beautiful green fields and adorable farm animals when we reach our destination soon enough.
I rise from my seat, rummaging through my handbag for a pen or pencil. Eventually, I find one, but it’s blunt and barely usable. I can’t believe my art supplies are still somewhere in London. Usually, if my luggage were to go missing, it would just be filled with swimsuits I won’t wear and paperbacks I won’t read, or party shoes that will give me blisters. But this is different – what I had packed is anything but trivial: my mum’s papers and – what I’m longing for right now – all myart supplies. If I had them with me, I would immediately start drawing – here’s the sort of inspiration that you can’t put a price on. After all, I do need to conjure up a masterpiece, with a creative fusion of modern and traditional styles, in the coming weeks, or Lenka will blacklist me forever.
I sigh out loud and curse myself under my breath. It’s so unbearably beautiful! And I can’t do anything but stare at it all longingly. The way the trees move in the wind, how cows gather in the meadow, the colours of the horizon and clusters of wildflowers – all will be gone before I even get a chance to try to capture it.
