“I’m fine,” I said one more time. “I just.” I took a long breath. “I don’t know who I am without the uniform.” I admitted. “My contract is coming due, and if I don’t get back beforehand, I might not get back at all.” It was something that had been weighing on me since the accident. If anything, that was what was causing my stress. Not PTSD. I was a soldier. Who would I be if you took that away?
“Stay the course.” He nodded. “You’ll get back in time.”
“I hope so.” I twisted my head when I heard a laugh that I thought was Rita’s. It turned out to be some other woman sitting with a guy a few tables over.
“You know them?” Crewe looked at the table.
“No, she just reminded me of someone.” I shook my head.
“Really?” Crewe smiled. “Who is this person?”
I took a breath. “Someone I’m not sure I can have.”
“Damn.” He leaned closer. “She isn’t married, is she?”
“What?” I tensed up. “Fuck no. I don’t do that shit.”
“I didn’t think so, but why else would she be off limits?”
“It’s complicated.” I told him.
“This gets more and more intriguing.” He laughed. “Especially because I thought you didn’t date.”
“I don’t, but there’s something about this woman that I can’t shake.” I admitted. “She feels different. Important.”
“Then go for it and don’t let anything stop you.” He patted the table. “If she’s really important, then you owe it to yourself to find out just how important she is.”
He was right. Fuck the rules. This was one time I was beginning to think they were made to be broken.
“I’m glad to see you working out again.” Devon stood behind the weight bench spotting me. He was second in command of the unit. I hadn’t expected him to still be at the gym when I walked in, but it was nice working out with him. It felt normal. Like I was on track to getting back into my past routine.
“I never stopped.” I lowered the bar to my chest and lifted it back up.
“I haven’t seen you in here.” He commented. “None of the other guys mentioned seeing you either.”
I did a couple more lifts before putting the bar back in its holder. “We’ve probably just been working out at different times.” I sat up. There was no need to let him know that I’d been avoiding the team and coming when I knew they were busy.
“I’m sure that’s what it was.” I looked over. His eyes didn’t waiver as he stared back at me.
“Have something you want to say?”
“Nothing much.” He didn’t back down. “Only that it feels like you’ve shut yourself off from the rest of us, and it fucking sucks ass.” He’d never been one to beat around the bush. I was actually a little surprised it had taken him this long to call me on my shit.
“I needed the space.”
“I get that, Stu, but you straight ghosted the guys as if we didn’t need you as much as Kai, Rylan, and Andre. You would have thought we were a one-night stand that kept calling over and over again.” He crossed his arms. “You could havesaid something, anything. Every guy on the team would have understood. With everything that happened, we all needed time. But we needed you too. We roll together, we stick together, we come home together.” It was something we always said before every mission.
He was right. I’d left them out in the cold, and that wasn’t something you did to your team. We were brothers, and I’d never have done this to Rex. I shouldn’t have done it to them either.
Every time I call you keep sending me to voicemail.Rex’s voice resounded in my head. Maybe I’d been treating all my brothers wrong.
“I’m sorry, man.” I stood. “I didn’t mean to treat you and the guys like that. It won’t happen again.” It was a promise. No matter what happened with my renewal, I was going to have to follow through and make sure I was here for each of them whenever they needed me.
“It’s all good, Major.” He held out his hand, and we embraced. “Now let’s get you back in shape.”
I pushed him away. “Are you kidding? I’m in far better shape than you.”
“I don’t think so.” He laughed. “You’ve probably spent half your downtime sitting on the couch, eating chips, and watching reality TV.”
