But she’s only runnin’ because I drove her away.
He sank onto the bed, the letter still clutched in his hand, and he tried to think clearly through the panic clouding his mind.
Going after her now, in his current state, would be a disaster. He’d probably just say something else to make things worse. And she clearly needed time away from him, time to calm down and think. The possibility made his chest tight, made it hard to breathe, because somewhere over the past weeks, Iris had become essential. Not just convenient, not just useful, essential. Like air or water or the beat of his own heart.
And he’d thrown it all away because he was too much of a coward to admit he cared.
I have to fix this. Somehow, I have to fix this.
But sitting alone in their empty chambers, surrounded by the ghost of her presence, Elijah had no idea how.
“I still cannae believe he said that to ye. The absolute nerve of the man!”
Lydia had been ranting for the past two hours, ever since they’d climbed into the carriage and begun the journey back to Douglas lands. Iris let her sister’s words wash over her, responding with appropriate murmurs when required but not really listening.
Her mind was still back at the castle, replaying that terrible conversation in the solar. The cold dismissal in Elijah’s voice. The cruel words about her being convenient, about not expecting love, about her being naive.
Naive. As if wantin’ basic decency from me husband makes me foolish.
“Are ye even listenin’ to me?” Lydia’s voice cut through her thoughts.
“Aye. Ye were sayin’ Elijah’s an arse.”
“I was sayin’ he’s worse than an arse. He’s a cruel, heartless beast who doesnae deserve ye.” Lydia reached over, taking Iris’ hand. “But daenae worry. Once we get home, I’ll explain everythin’ to Faither. I’ll tell him it was all me fault, that ye shouldnae have been forced into this marriage. He’ll find a way to get ye out of it.”
“Will he?” Iris’s voice was flat, emotionless.
“Of course! He cannae force ye to stay married to a man who treats ye like that. It’s... it’s barbaric!” Lydia squeezed her hand. “Ye can stay with us until we figure somethin’ out. Maybe we can find ye a nice husband who’ll actually appreciate ye. Someone gentle and kind.”
“I’m nae stayin’ with Maither and Faither.”
The words came out sharper than intended. Lydia blinked, clearly taken aback.
“But where else would ye go?”
“I daenae ken yet. But I’m nae going back to that house, to those people who spent me entire life tellin’ me I wasnae good enough.” Iris pulled her hand away, looking out the carriage window at the passing countryside. “I’m only comin’ with ye to make sure ye get home safely. After that, I’m leavin’ for a while.”
“Leavin’? To where?”
“Anywhere. Maybe I’ll go to the convent with ye. Maybe I’ll find work somewhere as a housekeeper or a governess. I daenae care as long as it’s away from both me parents and me husband for now, at least.”
“Iris, ye’re nae thinkin’ clearly. Ye’re hurt and angry which is understandable, but ye cannae just do that.”
“I can do whatever I want.” She turned to face her sister. “For the first time in me life, I’m free to make me own choices. And I choose nae to go back to either place that made me feel worthless.”
Lydia was quiet for a moment, studying her face. “Ye really care about him, daenae ye? Despite everythin’ he said.”
The question hit too close to home. Iris felt her throat tighten, felt the tears she’d been holding back threaten to spill over.
“It doesnae matter what I feel. He made his position clear.”
“But what if he apologizes?”
“He willnae.” The certainty in her own voice surprised her. “Elijah Craig doesnae apologize. Doesnae chase. Doesnae show weakness. He’ll probably be relieved I’m gone. One less complication to deal with.”
“Iris.”
“I daenae want to talk about it anymore.” She wiped roughly at her eyes. The thought of Codie waking up to find her gone made her stomach clench with guilt, but she pushed it away. She couldn't think about that now. “Please, Lydia. Just... let it be.”
