“Leave.” The word came out as a command, brooking no argument. “Now.”
For a long moment, she just stared at him, her chest heaving with emotion. He could see tears gathering in her eyes though she refused to let them fall. And beneath the hurt, he saw something else, a fury that matched his own.
“Ye’re right,” she said finally, her voice shaking. “I have been naive. Foolish, even. Because I actually started to believe ye when ye said ye cared. I actually thought ye were tryin’ to be different, to be better.” She laughed, but it was bitter, broken. “But I should have known better. Should have remembered that ye’re exactly what everyone says ye are, the Beast of McMurphy. Cold, cruel, incapable of actual feelin’.”
“Are ye quite finished?” He kept his voice bored, detached, even though her words were tearing him apart inside.
“Nay, I’m nae finished.” She moved closer to him, her eyes blazing. “Ye want to ken why I’m questionin’ ye? Why I’m pressin’ this? Because I was stupid enough to develop feelings for ye. Real feelings. The kind ye said I shouldnae expect. The kind that makes me care when ye’re hurtin’, even when ye’re too proud to admit ye’re hurtin’.”
“I’m nae hurtin’.”
“Ye are! I can see it in yer eyes, in the way ye’ve been actin’ since Lydia arrived. Are ye worried me sister will convince me to leave, so ye’re pushin’ me away first? Because that’s what ye do, ye hurt people before they can hurt ye.”
The accuracy of her words made him want to destroy something. “Ye daenae ken what ye’re talkin’ about.”
“Daenae I? Then tell me I’m wrong. Tell me ye havenae been hidin’ in here for days because ye’re afraid of what me sister might say to me. Tell me ye daenae care whether I stay or go.”
He opened his mouth to do exactly that, to tell her she meant nothing to him, that her leaving would be a relief.
But the words wouldn’t come. Because they were lies. And even he wasn’t cruel enough to speak them out loud.
“That’s what I thought.” Her voice broke slightly. “Ye cannae even say it because we both ken it’s nae true. Ye do care, Elijah. But instead of admittin’ that, instead of trustin’ me, ye’re pushin’ me away with insults and cruelty.”
“Nae exactly,” he tried to make his voice cold, hard, but this time, it was not working.
“Ye just told me I was convenient! That I’m only yer wife because me sister ran away! That I’m naive for thinkin’ ye could actually care about me!” Tears were streaming down her face now though her voice remained strong.
“Do ye have any idea how that feels? To hear those things from the man I’ve been fallin’ in love with?”
The words hit him like a punch to the gut.
Fallin’ in love. She was fallin’ in love with me.
And he’d just destroyed it.
“Iris.”
“Nay. Ye daenae get to ‘Iris’ me now. Nae after what ye just said.” She wiped her eyes roughly. “Ye want me gone? Fine. I’ll leave. I’ll take Lydia and go see me parents then take her back to the convent. I might stay with her or find somewhere else to live. Anywhere but here with a man who doesnae want me.”
“I never said I daenae want ye.”
“Ye daenae have to say it! Ye’ve made it perfectly clear through yer actions!” She was at the door now, her hand on the latch. “Ye ken what the worst part is? It wasnae me sister who convinced me to leave. It was ye. With yer cold shoulders and yer cruel words and yer refusal to just be honest about what ye’re feelin’.”
“Where are ye going?” The question came out sharp, urgent.
Afraid. God help me, I’m afraid she’ll leave.
“Away from ye.” She grabbed the door handle. “And before ye try to stop me, remember, ye told me to leave. Ye told me I’m only here by coincidence. So, this is what ye wanted, isnae it? To be alone again, safely behind yer walls where nae one can hurt ye?”
And she was gone, the door slamming behind her with a finality that made his chest constrict painfully.
For a long moment, Elijah stood frozen, staring at the closed door. Part of him wanted to chase after her, to explain, to take back every word he’d just said.
But his pride held him in place. His fear. His certainty that even if he went after her, even if he apologized, it wouldn’t matter. Because he’d already shown her the truth. That he was exactly the beast everyone said he was.
She’s bluffin’. She will nae really leave. She’s just angry, needin’ time to calm down.
He told himself that as he sank back into his chair. Told himself she’d cool off and realize she was overreacting. That by tomorrow morning, they’d both have calmed down and could discuss this rationally.
