Kieran stopped then, slowly turning. Rain streamed down his face, plastering his dark hair to his temples, eyes burning like coals banked too long.
“She’s pregnant,” he said, voice low and raw. “And Sebastian is out there. I willnae sit by a fire while me wife?—”
“—is behind stone walls, guarded by me household and half me garrison,” Elijah cut in. “Ye ride out now, ye’ll kill yerself before ye reach her.”
“I daenae care.”
“That,” Elijah said sharply, stepping closer, “is a lie.”
Kieran let out a harsh breath, laughter without humor. “Ye think I fear dyin’?”
“Nay,” Elijah said. “I think ye fear leavin’ her alone even more.”
Silence stretched between them, filled by the roar of rain on canvas.
Kieran dragged a hand through his hair, fighting the urge to rip out the strands. “Every moment I’m nae with her feels like a mistake I cannae take back.”
“And if ye die in the storm?” Elijah demanded. “What then? What does that do for Lydia? For yer child?”
Kieran’s jaw clenched.
“She’ll think I abandoned her again,” he said hoarsely.
Elijah’s expression softened, just a fraction. “She’ll think ye’re dead. And ye might well be.”
Kieran took a step toward the horses, tethered restlessly at the edge of the camp.
“I can make it,” he insisted. “If I leave now?—”
“Kieran,” Elijah snapped, matching him stride for stride and planting himself squarely in Kieran’s path. “Enough.”
Kieran loomed over him, rain dripping from his beard, chest heaving. “Ye daenae understand.”
“I understand perfectly,” Elijah said, his voice hard as stone. “I understand what it’s like to love someone so fiercely, it feels like standin’ too close to a fire. I understand wantin’ to tear the world apart with yer bare hands to keep them safe. But,” Elijah said, lowering his voice, “I also understand responsibility. Ye ride out now, blind in the rain, alone, and ye fail her again. Nae because ye daenae care but because ye cared recklessly.”
Kieran laughed bitterly. “I’ve been reckless since the moment I met her.”
“And yet she’s still alive,” Elijah said. “Because when it mattered most, ye planned. Ye protected. Ye trusted others to stand with ye.”
Kieran shook his head. “Trust dinnae save me previous wives.”
Elijah flinched, momentarily taken aback by Kieran’s words, then held his ground. “Nay. But it might save this one.”
Thunder cracked overhead, close enough to rattle teeth. The storm showed no signs of slowing, of fading out. The horizon was dark as ink, the sky a veil that could only be pierced by lightning. Kieran watched, feeling utterly helpless in the face of the storm; the only thing through which he couldn’t fight.
“Ye think she wants ye to die tryin’ to reach her?” Elijah pressed. “Or do ye think she wants ye alive when morn comes?”
Kieran stared past him, toward the black hills swallowed by rain.
“She’s carryin’ me bairn,” he whispered.
“I ken,” Elijah said gently. “And that bairn will need a faither who doesnae throw his life away in a storm.”
Kieran’s shoulders sagged, just slightly, the fight bleeding out of him in slow, reluctant drops.
“I should never have sent her away,” he said.
Elijah nodded. “Maybe nae. But ye cannae undo that tonight.”
