“This sounds like the worst team up since Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie took to the screen.” Horace frowns into the camera,his bushy brows taking up most of the frame, “Didn’t you say the one guy stole someone’s eyeball?”
“The Sea Witch’s son is a… different character.” Letting out a sigh, I look at the man responsible for my traumatic experience, “He goes by Marlin Seaborn now. Thanks for the updated information, by the way.”
Jasper winces, “Sorry, mate. There was nothing on file.”
“When you say he removed a guy’s eyeball, do you mean gouged it out or like,” Horace makes a popping noise far too graphic for this early in the morning, “That?”
“He wasn’t there when it happened. The fisherman came runningoutof the mansion, remember?” Mae rolls her eyes, the exasperated expression so familiar it puts an ache in my chest.
“Right. But did it have the fleshy bits hanging from it-
“Did you send over their profiles?” Jasper quickly interjects before the conversation can get too far out of hand, “You said you had updated pictures on your new team members.”
A loud huff echoes through the screen, “Doesn’t seem fair, now does it? These people get to steal shit and we don’t.”
“No one asked for your opinion, Horace.”
“No one ever asks for my opinion. That’s why I have to offer it freely.” He lifts his chin an inch higher, “Lucky for you, I never have a problem sharing.”
Jasper snorts, “And we all feel so terribly blessed because of it.”
I grin, watching my crew banter it out on my screen. It’s the kind of bickering that’s kept our home warm and welcoming for the last ten years and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss it.
God. I missthem.
“All I’m saying is… sweet baby Jesus.” Horace gawks, his eyes bulging and his mouth falling open, “Thisis your new crew? Fuck me, mate, no wonder you traded us in.”
“I didn’t trade you-
“I didn’t think they made people like this in real life.” Horace lifts his phone higher, as if that will make the apparition disappear, “Holy fucking shit. They’re the better-looking version of our crew.”
“Marlin Seaborn, Calista Drache and Vector Vin.” Jasper sighs, “They even have cooler names than us.”
“Guys. I’m not going anywhere.”
“Look at this divine specimen.” Turning his phone around, Horace holds it up to the monitor’s camera, “That’s a real man right there.”
“Oi. I’m right here.”
“Look at his suit. And thathair.”
Mae sighs, “Are we sure Horace isn’t the gay one of the group?”
“And look at his jawline!” He gasps, throwing up a hand to cover his mouth, “If I took this photo to a surgeon, do you think he could make me look like this?”
Jasper snorts, “You’d need a lot more than surgery, mate.”
“Fuck, it might be worth it.”
“We are supposed to be adjusting the plan to better match our crew, not admiring their appearances.” Clearing my throat, I try in vain to recapture their attention, “Let’s try to be serious for a few minutes, yeah?”
“You’re right.” Horace wipes his brow and does his best to look pensive, “It’s time to get serious because I have a question that’s burning a hole through my ass.”
Silence descends upon the group.
“How the fuck did Christopher pull a woman this fit?”
Horace holds up a picture of Calista Drache and my stomach fucking somersaults.
