I stopped.
“Please listen.”
I nodded.
“We won’t know if he does or doesn’t until his bone marrow test results are in. But I’m telling you now because we’re going to need your help this week. They had a cancellation and can get him in for a biopsy on Monday. I need you to plan to stay home Monday and Tuesday and help with the littles after school and make dinner, okay?”
“Okay.”
He looked down again. “Your mom doesn’t want to ask you for help.”
“So you’re asking me.”
“I want you to take the initiative and help with your siblings when I’m not home.”
“I don’t want to help her, Dad.”
“I would help her myself, but I have a shipment due Thursday that I cannot get out of. After that, I’ll be home a lot more. Because…I’m quitting.”
“Quitting?”
“I need to find something closer to home so I can be with my family. If Peter has luekemia…”
“He doesn’t have leukemia, Dad.” Even as I said the words, denial’s fingers squeezed out my voice. “Th–there’s no way.”
He drew a deep breath. “Regardless. I’m needed at home.”
“Because of Mom? You have to quit your job because of Mom?”
He shook his head. “I’m quitting because my priorities have been out of whack for a long time.”
I scoffed. “You’re quitting because if you’re not in bed every night, Mom will replace you.” I wished I could slap the words back into my mouth. I didn’t want to hurt Dad more than he already hurt.
“Things weren’t going well between us for a long time. But instead of fixing it, I turned to work. These are the consequences. I’m learning the hard way.”
“Dad!” I blurted. “You can’t blame yourself.”
“I’m not blaming myself. I’m trying to fix what I should’ve fixed a long time ago.”
Hot tears welled in my eyes. “You’re staying to–together?”
“As long as your mom wants, yes.”
I shook my head. “So, you’ll just forget it ever happened?”
“No, of course not. But your Mom has asked me to forgive her and agreed to marriage counseling.”
“But what she did was unforgivable.”
“So what, Hollie?” Dad sat up straighter, looking me dead in the eye. “You want me to leave? Blow apart our family because I’m hurt and angry?” He took a heavy breath. “It would be different if shewanted to leave. But she doesn’t. She wants to work it out. None of this ever would’ve happened if I had listened to her in the first place.”
It took all my self-control not to explode with rage. “About what?”
He sighed, the sound shaky and hollow. “She tried to tell me a lot of times that she needed more help and was having trouble with her mental health, but I didn’t listen, Hollie. I let my family down by bailing when my teammate needed me.”
My tears broke free, racing down my cheeks. “How could you say that? Nothing excuses Mom for what she did. Nothing!”
“Let me tell you something about men, Hollie.” He looked at me, a layer of deep tears welling in his own eyes. “Men are the thermostat in a relationship. And…I let us grow cold. After Estelle was born, your mom struggled a lot. She was knee-deep in little kids, crying herself to sleep every night, and she asked me for help. But I was off chasing a dollar. Her finding help…somewhere else…was the overflow of my neglect. I’m supposed to guard her heart and keep it safe, but I didn’t. So, if you’re going to be mad at anyone, be mad at me. I let us down by driving highways that took me further and further from the only thing that really mattered.”
