I stifled a laugh at the dark, watery circles beneath her eyelashes. “Not too bad.”
“Liar. I should've opted for waterproof.”
My eyes were bone dry because I was aproat faking strength infront of my family. As Jackie moved to the head table to squeeze Tag and Bea, I lifted my gaze to the night sky. The stars were bright, twinkling past the warm hazy glow of the strung wedding lights. There weren’t many decorations at the reception, but the set up didn’t need them.
The soft lighting, the acoustic guitar provided by a long-time friend of Bea, the white table cloths, the ball jars with wild flowers—all of it was a backdrop to the real beauty: Tag and Bea’s shimmering joy. Lavish decor could only add so much—that I knew all too well. The luxuries provided on my own wedding day did nothing but obscure, for a moment, the truth about my future. Now, I could see all the red flags my parents tried to warn me about. But I was just a kid—blinded by love and isolated from my family. Had I known what thirteen years would bring, I would’ve run. I would’ve left him at the altar and never looked back. I would’ve swallowed my pride and crawled home.
The genuine happiness around me brought a knot to my throat that I repeatedly choked down. It wasn’t fair to think of my lot in life at a time like this…but, I couldn’t help it. I wanted a do-over so bad I could hardly breathe. Why couldn’tIhave had this?
Maybe all the things Garrett said were true—it was my fault. If the hardships in my life were a punishment or areapingof my own terrible choices, I could make peace with them. Taking the blame for everything was easier because my shoulders were strong—used to the weight.
Jesse stood and made his way over to the microphone. Awareness prickled my skin. All throughout the wedding, bridal party pictures, and reception thus far, I’d felt Jesse’s attention. His watchful eye wasn’t uncomfortable or leering in any way, but soft and curious. After we’d exited the ceremony and moved further into the pasture for pictures, he fell in stride with me and made small talk. In fact, every time I’d been in his vicinity, he’d snatched the opportunity.
I could no longer tell myself he treated everyone that way.
Because he very obviously did not.
He didn’t seek my sisters out or brush their elbows with the backs of his fingers. He didn’t try to walk through thepasture with them. He didn’t catch their eye and smile mid-ceremony. Or grab them a cup of water after the wedding.
He only did that for me.
A torturous blend of feelings kept rolling through my stomach every time I considered him. On the one hand, the attention soothed my wounded heart like a balm. I could hardly shut him down when I was starving for it. But, on the other hand, I hoped no one else noticed his attention. Even though I’d opened my soul up for Jackie and Estelle last night, I hadnoideahow I would broach the topic of my marriage with my parents. My mother, specifically. The mere idea of having a heart to heart with her made my heart race. There was so much between us.
Jesse squeezed the release on the mic, lifting it, then fished a piece of paper out of his pocket and smiled. “At this point, I think I’ve met everyone here, but in case I haven’t, I’m Jesse, Tag’s best friend.” He paused, taking a moment to regard the happy couple. “Looking at Bea tonight, it’s clear she’s very lovely. She doesn’t need a wedding dress to prove that. But Tag?” Jesse gave a small grimace. “It’s clear he’s just very lucky.”
A collective chuckle rippled over his audience.
“When I think of Tag, a few things come to mind. One of which is a Bible verse actually, that I learned as a kid. It says ‘there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother.’” He chuckled. “I have three brothers, and they’re not here which is why I can admit this…but Tag is the only reason I’m standing here alive tonight.”
He swallowed, pausing for a moment.
“I met Tag at a bar in Oklahoma City. He was in town, and I was bar hopping, just trying my best to forget things. We started talking. Both said too much and sat too long. He told me a bit about him, and I told him about my late wife and about my son who was sleeping over at my mom’s because I wouldn’t be able to care for him come morning.”
Jesse looked down at the paper in his hands, fiddling with it. Bea mentioned that the wedding was alcohol free due to “several” of the cowboys who struggled to stay sober. Jesse had admitted to me in the ER that he was one of them. Maybe Tag was, too.
“He said, ‘Sounds like you need to get out of Oklahoma. Wanna move to Texas?” A soft laugh escaped his lips. “I agreed on the spot and never looked back. Working alongside Tag gave me the purpose, friendship, and independence I desperately needed when I had no idea who I was anymore.” He looked up at his friend. “When I think about men I respect, Tag is the first person on my list. He is, without a doubt, the strongest, most resilient individual I’ve ever met. He’s faced every obstacle known to mankind and overcame them because he’s a fighter who never gives up and can out-stubborn every animal on this ranch. He has a reason to be proud of things he’s accomplished, but very few people realize how far he’s come and how gifted he is due to his extreme humility and quiet nature. And Bea is his perfect counterpart. She’s a little bit of Jesus on this ranch—a light to everyone lucky enough to know her. She is selfless, generous, and kind. Her smile is easy, her laugh contagious, and her love is strong enough to weather the hard days. Everything she has, she gives away. To sum, Tag married up.”
We all chuckled at that, as did Tag and Bea.
“My marriage taught me something about love, something I think all of us would do better to remember. It doesn’t matter if you have two years together or two hundred years—it will be gone in the blink of an eye. It’s easy to take for granted the little things that bind you together. So Tag, even when life gets monotonous or heavy or it seems like every single thing is going wrong, show up for her. Hold her hand, dance to every song, and steal quiet moments. Because there’s nothing this life can offer that matters more than what you’re building in your marriage and the legacy of love you’ll leave behind.”
Estelle lifted her napkin to her face again, and I fought the tears welling in my eyes. Jesse looked down at his paper and took a deep, steadying breath. I wondered if it was difficult for him to talk about love at a wedding. Even though he smiled when he looked back up, his eyes were heavy as he raised his glass.
We all followed.
“So here’s to Tag and Bea—may your ordinary days be your most treasured adventure.”
Once more, glasses clinked and voices lifted.
After the speeches, Bea’s friend Adrienne stepped back up to the mic and got the music rolling again to kick off the dancing. After Tag and Bea shared their first dance, he placed his hands on her cheeks and gave her the sweetest kiss. Then Bea danced with Dad, who was endearingly emotional. He swiped a tear from her cheek and kissed her forehead before returning her to Tag for the night.
I hung on for the festivities as long as I could, but watching Bea get all the “firsts” was tougher than I thought it would be. Bea was the second daughter, but the first Dad gave away. The first one to get a father-daughter dance. The first to get a toast and speech from Peter. And she would be the first to throw her bouquet to clamouring little sisters.
Through it all, I kept an eye on Jesse. Not that I meant to, my body just seemed to know where he was at all times. If something funny happened, my gaze rebelled, seeking him out. For a while, it was reciprocated. But ever since he left the microphone, his light shuttered and he seemed distracted. His smiles didn’t reach his eyes anymore and his typical animation appeared…forced. I hadn’t known him long enough to know he wasn’t okay, but somehow, I did. I recognized his distress because I’d seen it in the emergency room.
He didn’t look in my direction. Instead, he kept turning toward the pasture and hills beyond the reception, as if he saw something out there.
A deep sadness came over me.
