I cross my arms over my chest, certain I will throw up if I breathe too much or move my head. For an awkward moment he looks down at me, unable to find parting words. Then he leaves my hole-riddled heart in the wake of his shadow as he pulls open the french doors, and exits the way he entered—in full control with nothing to lose but dead weight.
ONE
Hollie
Present Day - June
My phone dinged with a text message as I rifled through my dresser for a suitable outfit. Finding a soft pink blouse, I shook out the folds and slipped it on over my white lace bra and tucked the hem into the front of my jeans. Going to the bathroom, I grabbed a claw clip out of the drawer and pinched my wild curls into a knot on the back of my head. Giving myself a once over in the full-length mirror, I turned side to side then pulled out the tuck of my shirt. Garrett always said that habit was weird and out of style anyway.
He was usually right about those things.
Letting a long sigh escape from my lips, I shuffled to my phone and tapped the screen.
Jackie
Are you going to tell them?!
I rolled my eyes, stifling a groan.
Me
Idk I guess it depends on how everything goes.
Jackie
It’s been EIGHT months, Hollie. EIGHT!!!!! You have to stop making excuses.
Me
I know. I’ll tell them.
Jackie
You better, because I have no problem whatsoever ripping the bandaid off.
I tossed my phone onto my fluffy white duvet and flopped down beside it, finding no comfort in the way the down floofed up around my head. I never looked forward to our family Zoom calls, but now I’d have Jackie side-eyeing me through the screen and harassing me via text to follow through on my promise. The fact thatJackie, of all people, knew the details of my life was an accident.
She wanted me to spill my guts to the family, but climbing Mount Everest sounded preferable to baring my soul. But she would never understand that, because her relationship with our parents was vastly different from mine. Plus, everyone had remained blissfully ignorant about the details of my life for over a decade—so why say something now?
The cooing of a bird drew my eyes to the all-glass french doors leading to the balcony, where the soft sunset bathed the white outdoor furniture with a warm, honey-orange glow. That balcony used to look so inviting—romantic and evocative. But bad memories could taint any picturesque place.
My daughters were downstairs, watching a movie on the couch which allowed me to have some time undisturbed. Walking down the hallway, I glanced over the bannister at them, chiding Izzy for the high volume. With a sigh, I strode down the hall to the spare bedroom where I plopped into my desk chair and propped my phone against acup full of pens. Then, I pinched my cheeks and plastered a smile on my tired face.
With shaking hands, I joined the Zoom meeting.
To no one’s surprise, I was the last to arrive. Everyone was present, already chatting and getting their mics turned on. A chorus of greetings filled the line and I pretended to fumble with my microphone for a solid thirty seconds.
Oh, I dreaded this so much.
I’d practically raised some of these people—literally changed their diapers—but I felt like a stranger, like the real Hollie was out to lunch and I was only a fill in.
My smile faltered. “Hey, guys. Good to see you all.”
Ben, the fifth of the Thompson children, appeared to be sitting in the Anderson Academic Commons at Denver University, and a tiny, quiet stab of jealousy shot through me. He sat closer to his phone screen, squinting. “Holls, you look like you need some caffeine.”
I shook my head and laughed for everyone else’s sake. “I always need caffeine.”
He smiled and lifted a water bottle to his lips.
