“Okay, honey. Kiss the girls for me.”
Before we even hung up, my phone rang again.
SIX
Jesse
“Hey, Jesse.” Hollie’s voice over the phone purred with strange familiarity.
I cleared my throat, sitting forward in my seat. “Hey.”
The room where Cade and I waited swirled around me as I blinked against the memories assaulting my brain. I wouldn’t have complained about making small talk with wedding guests if I’d knownthiswas what awaited me. My recurring nightmares were infused with things like white walls, beeping monitors, scrubbed nurses, and surgeons with masks.
Being at a hospital in the month of April was my version of an absolute living hell. All my abounding gratitude for Cade’s life was quickly overshadowed by the panic clawing up my chest and choking out any spark of joy. My chest tightened like someone sat on it. Sweat beaded under my arms and my fists clutched the plastic armrests of the chair. My gaze trained on the episode ofClone Warsplaying in the corner, hoping a bit of visual distraction would help my mind not wander too far.
I didn’t want to be here. I wanted to be anywhere but here.
She said, “I’ve been wondering how things are going.”
“They’re not really. We haven’t seen a doctor yet.”
“Still?”
“Nope. We’re waiting for someone to take Cade to radiology.”
“Gotcha.” She hummed. “How are you?”
I closed my eyes, unable to protect myself from the sounds of beeping monitors and raised voices. “I’m hanging in there.”
“You sound tired.”
I hadn’t realized how tired I was until she suggested it. “Honestly, I am. That took a lot out of me.”
“Well, adrenaline’s known for that.” Her voice was gentle, understanding.
“Yeah, guess so.” I drew a deep breath, forcing my voice to sound more chipper. “But I wanted to let you know that I talked to Tag. They’re gonna send someone out to get you guys.”
“Oh. Thank you, but…” Her voice trailed off.
I waited a beat. “Did you already make arrangements?”
“No.” She paused so long I wondered if I was on hold. “I just…” She gave a self-conscious huff. “I feel kind of silly, because you don’t need my help or anything, but I wanted to stay with you and Cade just in case you end up needing support. I—I didn’t feel right leaving.”
I blinked a few times. “Uh, they want to observe Cade for four hours. We won’t get out of here until…eight or so.”
“That’s okay. We don’t mind waiting. You shouldn’t be alone unless you want to be.”
I knew one thing crystal clear. I was fed up with alone. And it was the last thing I wanted to be. There I was, watching cartoons, trying not to relive the final words my wife whispered to me, deep in the bowels of a hospital. My hands were shaking and I feared that any moment might send my lunch careening up my throat.
She kept talking. “I just thought you might need dinner or want someone to sit with Cade while you take a walk or…I have some card games that maybe he’d like to play. The girls played Go Fish for a whole hour on our flight and they asked if Cade could play. Or…I don’t know…I could bring you some coffee?”
The last two days had worked over my emotions so much that a lump—easy and quick—rose in my esophagus. I didn’t even know why. I tipped the phone away from my mouth and cleared the thickness from my throat.
I must’ve taken too long to respond because she rushed to add, “That might have been presumptuous. I can make us disappear if that’s better. I?—”
“Hollie.”
She stopped.
