“If you want to talk about it, I’m here for you, Hollie. I’ll always be here for you.”
I wrestled down a sob. “I know. Thank you.” I’d never be able to verbalize how much that meant to me. Good grief, I’d just had a panic attack and looked like I’d skinned a deer with my bare hands, but I didn’t feel the need to explain myself.
I knew with one-hundred percent certainty that Jesse wasn’t judging me or inwardly rolling his eyes and calling me melodramatic. I wassafewith him.
Maybe the safest I’d ever been.
I whispered, disbelieving the words coming out of my mouth. “I told Garrett I was taking him to court.”
He went still. “Are you?”
I nodded, certain that was the right thing. “As soon as I get home. I’ll file a motion to modify custody and file for abandonment. I’m going to call my attorney tomorrow. I never thought it would come to this, Jesse. Did you see Nora’s face?” He nodded, his chin moving against the top of my head. “He can’t do that to her. I can’tlethim. Him completely walking out of their lives is something I never saw coming.” I blinked, tears streaming down my face. “Nora still loves him so much, and I despise him for that.”
“I might be able to get full custody. I’ve kept records of every interaction we’ve had with him since our divorce in October, and they don’t make Garrett look good.” I gave a watery huff. “Depending on how the judge rules, Garrett’s rights might be terminated. This entire time I’ve thought maybe that wasn’t in the girls best interest. But now, I don’t know. Maybe I’ve been naive to think he would want to cooperate with me.” I blew an unsteady breath. “But you want to know where our conversation derailed?”
“Tell me.”
“It wasn’t when we were talking about the girls or when I threatened to take full custody. It was when he told me he saw you. He doesn’t like another man encroaching on his family.”
Giving a slight shake of his head, Jesse quipped, “Only another woman.”
“Yep. He’s got crazy double standards.” I gave a humorless laugh. “Then he proceeded to totally degrade me until I hung up on him and turned off my phone.” I lifted my phone off the ground so he could see the black screen. “I couldn’t take it anymore.”
His chest lifted on a deep breath as his hand sank deep into the curls on the back of my head. “Is that why you had a panic attack?”
I shrugged. “I guess so. Everything is just…heavy.” Emotions trickled up my throat again, my chest tightening as I remembered all the awful things he said. “I’ve spent so many years listening to him that sometimes…stuff he says…I’m in too deep to find the lies.”
“Then say it out loud.” His voice rumbled in his chest,under my ear. “Say every ugly thing out loud and I’ll help you sort through them.”
Even though I was afraid to drag those lies about myself into the light, I needed to. And there was no safer space on earth to do so. Jesse was thoroughly Team Hollie because he loved me.
He loves me.
Sitting on the porch with my mother, I’d said I didn’t know if Jesse loved me, but looking at us now, I changed my tune.
I was pressed into his strong chest, wrapped in his arms, caged by his thighs, guard down, heart open, andIwas not afraid.There was not one iota of lingering worry that he might adopt some of Garrett’s mindsets, use my weakness against me, or force me into vulnerability. He was sitting on the floor, ready to sift through all my nasty thoughts about myself, because what I believed mattered to him.
How could thisnotbe love?
Even though I wanted to bawl into his t-shirt, I sniffed and gathered my thoughts, craving vulnerability with Jesse. I drew a deep breath then began. “He has always told me that I’m weak-minded. I’m fickle and make stupid judgments that cost me later. My standards are too high—I expect perfection out of everyone and hold grudges which is why my family relationships suffered. He told me that I’m going to emotionally damage the girls if I move out of the house and try to bring another man into their life.”
A light scoff deep in Jesse’s chest vibrated against my ear.
“He says the best a woman like me could do was someone like him. That no one is going to want me and two kids.” Rolling my lips together, I considered saying more, but that was already a lot to unpack. My voice eked around the huge lump in my throat as I pointed to my head. “Somehow the voice in my head is his, and I don’t know how to stop hearing it.”
When silence fell, he didn’t rush to fill it. His strong arms squeezed around me, and after I took a long, deep sigh, he asked, “Can I speak?”
“Yes.”
Gently, he pushed me back and looked into my eyes. “Hollie Lynette.”
My throat zipped tight, and I blinked repeatedly.
“I’ve never seen you do one thing, not onesinglething, on this ranch that made me question your judgment. I would say the opposite is true. Thirty seconds after I laid eyes on you for the first time, you jumped to action that saved Cade’s life. You owned the hospitality here, and came to Meadowbrook like a force of light.”
Overcome with emotion, I had to close my eyes again as a soft squeak rose from my throat.
“When I met you, I was immediately drawn to the way you made everyone in the situation feel a little lighter. You have an amazing gift of meeting people right where they are. Tag told me that Cooper talked his ear off for the first time inyearswhen he dropped him off in Austin. Want to know what they were talking about?”
