Jesse’s question that he asked me in the kitchen this morning reverberated through my memory.
“Could you come back?”
Could I? If Garrett kept skipping his time with the girls and not paying child support, I could go to court to modify our custody arrangements. If Garrett continued down this path, I could make a case that he abandoned us. But surely it wouldn’t come to that. Surely this was just a lapse in Garrett’s judgment. Surely he hadn’t turned his back on us forever.
Even if I did get full custody, would I ever get to a place where I could let go of Garrett forever? Just take the girls and start a new life? I didn’t know. I didn’t think I was brave enough.
I sighed against the deep pain in my chest, silently wiping my tears on the pillowcase. I wanted to do what Jesse said. To make something beautiful in all this darkness, but I didn’t know how.
Jesse mumbled something into my hair.
“What?” I whispered.
“You have such…a pretty voice.”
I smiled through my tears. “Thank you.”
“Prettier than Bea’s.”
I chuckled, the statement confirming his delirium. “Pretty voice” was generous for me. I could hold a tune but I was pitchy. I snuggleddeeper into his spoon, confident he’d have no recollection of this tomorrow morning.
“Cade…loves you, you know.” I went very still as his fist opened to touch the side of my cheek and his thumb swiped my chin. “Laurel loves you.” His breaths came heavy like he might be in pain. “And I think…I might love you, too.”
His lips pressed a weak kiss to the back of my head as his whispers fell to an inaudible murmur.
“Go to sleep, Jesse.”
And, thank goodness, he did.
Sunday morning, I poured a cup of coffee, weary down to my bones. I picked up my phone, scrolling through the messages that came last night after I’d fallen asleep. Mom arrived at the ranch while we were sleeping, prepared to take over the kitchen duties so I could drive back to Colorado today. But the sting in my eyes and the way my surroundings blurred with exhaustion made me think I wouldn’t be traveling.
Which was good.
Because kissing Jesse on the forehead while he slept could hardly count as a proper goodbye.
Mom
Hi, honey. Let me know when you are up and I’ll bring a tray of breakfast down. How are you feeling?
Me
I’m up. Glad you made it safe, Mom. I’m tired from being up off and on the past few nights with the kids, but I’m okay.
In another thread, Bea texted.
Bea
Mayday. Mom’s asking questions.
I sighed, wondering how shacking up with Jesse might look to my mother, who thought I was still married to Garrett. Unless Bea toldher what happened between us. Which I doubted she’d do that without talking to me first.
Me
Did you tell her we were quarantining until the flu passes? I’ll talk to her when I get out of here.
Bea
I did tell her that. She still thinks it’s weird you’ve been in there since Thursday.
