Unable to stop myself, I silently approached Hollie, magnetized by everything about her. Stopping just shy of her moving elbow, I slipped my hands around her waist and hugged her. A loud, relieved exhale escaped my lungs as I buried my nose in her hair. Usually, I could deny myself this, but today I didn’t want to. Missing her already hurt like hell.
She set her spoon down and moved her hands down my forearms until our fingers entwined. She gave a soft, nervous chuckle. “Good morning.” Her voice was breathy.
“Good morning,” I murmured as I squeezed her, denying my urge to kiss her neck. What had gotten into me? By this point, I was a professional at coping with loneliness. But, apparently, I sucked at coping with desire. I wouldn’t kiss her—I told myself I wouldn’t confuse her like that. But was hugging her equally confusing?
Probably. But I didn’t want to think about that. Icouldn’tthink about that. It was 5:45 in the blessed morning, and there was only one thing on my mind: towing her to the tack room.
Hollie lifted her hands and twisted, spinning until we were face to face. Her arms looped around my neck and mine banded around her waist. She sighed, like she’d been waiting to breathe until I could hold her again. I buried my face in her neck, toeing the line for the sake of it.
When my hat bumped loose, she reached up and pulled it off myhead, putting it on the counter behind her. Slowly her fingers scraped into my hair, and I crumbled against her. My hand accidentally found the hem of her shirt and my brain combusted as I hushed my need to explore.
Pull away. Pull away.
I tried to talk myself into it, but her hands pressed the back of my head. And her skin smelled so inviting, so sweet. Something about Hollie felt like home. And Iachedfor that home feeling.
Thisfriendsbullshit could rot in hades. I wasn’t her friend. Even though I was afraid to admit the truth to myself, it was there—blinking like neon, just waiting for me to acknowledge it.
I wasn’t Hollie’s friend because Ilovedher.
Shit. I didn’t know what to do with that.
I still love you, Laurel. I promise I do.
Despite the conflict in my chest, I pressed a slow kiss to the crook of her neck as one single finger wound through her hem.
My name tumbled off of her lips. “Jesse.”
At first, I thought she meant to chide me, but she tipped her head to the side. I stared in wonder at the expanse of her beautiful neck. Life had taught me a lot of things and forced me to be stronger than I ever cared to be. Butthat—an open invitation—was something I’d never be strong enough to resist. My mouth found her skin again. Then again. My trail of kisses wound from the tip of her shoulder to her ear.
“Jesse,” Her voice rasped with longing. “What—are you doing?”
What am I doing?
I whispered, “I don’t want you to go.”
There, I said it.
I didn’t wake up this morning with the intention to bear my heart and soul, but holding it in was like sandbagging a tsunami—an idiotic waste of energy.
She flattened her hand against my shoulder, gently moving away. I pulled back, hot and flustered, as she admitted, “I talked to Tag. We need to discuss the cabin thing.”
He told her? Hope resurrected in my heart. And it must’vetranslated in my expression because she shook her head. “Don’t get your hopes up, Jesse. I already told you I can’t stay.”
“Could you come back?”
“I don’t know.” The answer brought a crease of pain to her brow. “If Garrett wants a relationship with his daughters, I’m not going to take that away from them, Jesse. Surely you understand.”
My jaw clenched as my gaze cut away. I knew I was only thinking about myself, but how could I let her leave knowing Garrett would hurt her again? I wanted better for her, for the girls. Was having a relationship with him really in their best interest?
She whispered, “Listen, I need to take care of Cade, but we can talk later this evening.”
I nodded.Right. I had a sick kid out there, and I needed to stop making her future about me. I stepped away, putting safe distance between us as I scrubbed a hand down my face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s fine.”
But it wasn’t fine. She had no idea how much I cared. I didn’t want to complicate her life, but I had to tell her how I felt at some point or I’d complicate my own. Stifling all my feelings might be best for her, but what about me? If there was a second chance in my future, it was Hollie.
And not just Hollie. The girls too.
