She nodded, walking closer to the barn and lifting her chin to look up at Cade. “Hey, Cade.”
An affectionate smile pulled into my boy’s cheeks, his almond eyes crinkling. “Hey, Miss Hollie.”
“I have a question for you.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Do you want to go to San Antonio with the girls and I?” His eyes darted to where I stood, an instant flash of anxiety lighting in them. She continued, “We are going to a splash pad to play for a while, have lunch, and go shopping at Costco where we will most definitely get ice cream sundaes. We’d love for you to go with us.”
Cade shifted foot to foot, sending bits of hay to the ground below. He looked at me for his cue. The fact he hadn’t immediately turnedher down was progress worth celebrating. I gave him a nod. “Completely up to you, buddy.”
“Well…” He hesitated.
That one word stole the breath out of my lungs. No way he was considering it. My chest thumped with my own anxiety—Cade choosing to be away from me would mark the end of an era.
“What about this, Dad?” Cade motioned to the hay bales behind him.
“Don’t you worry about that. Pick what you want.”
He shoved his hands in his jeans’ pockets, his brows furrowing. His boot kicked at the loft floor. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. His body language screamed with conflict—the war in his spirit waged on his face. Cadewantedto go.
But slowly he eked out the words. “I…think I’ll stay.”
My shoulders fell, heaviness weighing them down. I didn’t want my kid to live in fear, but what more could I do besides patiently wait for him to spread his wings?
Hollie’s voice was sweet, not one iota of pressure in her tone. “You sure, Cade?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“Okay, maybe next time,” she said.
On her way back to the car, I quietly thanked her. In passing, she squeezed my forearm and whispered, “One day.”
Without a word, I went back to my task, stacking the bales in the truck bed until I was caught up. Then I looked up at Cade, wondering why he stopped tossing them down. But he stood there, not moving, staring off down the driveway where Hollie’s Volvo disappeared. The pain I saw in his eyes made my blood surge with protectiveness. “You okay, Cade?”
To his credit, he shook his head, rarely anything but honest.
“Get down here.”
Obediently, he scampered down the loft ladder and exited the barn. I smacked the tailgate with my palm, and he hopped up to sit on it.
“Talk to me.”
His voice was small as he rubbed his palms down his thighs. “I…wanted to say yes.”
A boulder fell onto my chest. What was my role here? Did I give him a sharp push out of the nest? Talk about facts? Tell him most of our fears were completely irrational? For a moment, I groped for wisdom, knowing I’d stepped fully out of my depth.
I pulled my hat off, shaking hay from the rim. I plucked Cade’s off his head too and set it on the tailgate, so I could look him straight in the face. “Let me ask you something, son. I want you to be as honest as you can be.”
He nodded, his green eyes lifting to roam my face.
“What are you afraid is going to happen?”
He immediately looked away, his cheeks turning red as tears pooled in his eyes. “That…you won’t be here when I come back.” His voice hollowed out on the last word.
With one sentence, he’d hit the core of it. “Can I be honest with you?”
After hesitating a moment, he nodded again.
