“You make me happy. And so does our baby.”
Her cheeks smiled against my chest. “I’m happy too, Jack.”
SIXTEEN
Miranda
Iwas coffee desperate.
My tossing and turning coupled with Kacey’s nighttime moaning was the perfect storm. I downed a cup with my nose pinched. I needed the caffeine, but apparently Nathaniel was too practical for things like caramel creamer.
Between Sherri and Chris, my phone was blowing up. Sherri hadn't stopped calling and texting since she'd learned Brenda couldn't take us in. Despite trying to help me make arrangements with Brenda's neighbor friend, the truth was, the idea of staying with a stranger was hard enough. Staying with the potentially unwilling friend of a stranger felt unbearable. Sherri didn't know how long Brenda would be in Washington. It could be a while, and I couldn't risk the good will of strangers indefinitely.
I tried to act like I wasn’t freaking out to make Sherri feel better. But I was. The constant barrage of insults from Chris made it worse. I made a grave error and texted him back to tellhim Kacey and I werefineandpleasestop texting me. I wasn’t a rookie when it came to Chris’ ways, so the mistake was just plain stupid.
My phone lit up like I was in a group text. He sent message after message. Insults, threats, pleadings. How would I find the money to get a burner phone and be rid of Chris for good?
The unknowns in my life clashed together like an off-beat cymbal. I had no bearings, no anchors. No way to plant my feet, find gravity, or sort up from down. I shoved the phone into my pocket, resisting the urge to growl in frustration.
Forging a new life away from Chris wouldn’t be easy, but I needed the stars to align. Needed somethingto work out for me. Everything in me revolted against the idea that my starshadaligned. That maybe the only real answer to this predicament was Jack.
Jack! Of all people!
Breakfast was a quick affair. Cereal and fruit. Jack came out for coffee then disappeared into a room, saying he needed to do some stuff. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so when Kacey whined to go down to the lake for the thousandth time, I relented.
When I located my sweatshirt draped over the back of the couch, I put it on. A familiar aroma flooded my senses, and I froze with the sweatshirt halfway over my head. My pulse charged into overdrive as I grappled with the chill bumps rippling across my skin.
I pulled it off, mussing my ponytail in the process. When I held it to my face and took a sniff of the worn fabric, Jack’s scent hit my brain with a host of memories. It was as known to me as if I held him in my arms only moments ago. Tears pooled in my eyes as chills still danced all over my skin.
What on earth? Why did it smell like him? Surely, itwouldn’t smell this way just from being near him. And he couldn’t havewornit.
Had this happened a couple days ago, I would’ve made a bonfire and turned the sweatshirt to ash. But it didn’t. It was now, when I was defenseless and the most confused I’d ever been in my life.
I glanced over my shoulder, leaning to peer down the hallway. Making sure he wasn’t nearby, I held the sweatshirt up to my face and took a long, deep breath. I pressed my lips together as my nose and eyes tingled. The scent was a touch of spiciness mixed with something uniquely him—belonging to his skin, his hair. I had breathed it in at the crook of his neck many times.
Tears blurred my vision. Taken aback by the surge of emotions, I tossed it back over the couch with shaking hands. An ache of nostalgia overtook my spirit, as painful as childlike homesickness. I drew an agonizing breath, exhaling through my nose. The feelings stirring in my gut were new, yet familiar—unbearably familiar.
And I should not feel that way. Shouldnot.
I swallowed down the tangle of conflict tightening my throat and forced thoughts of him out of my mind.
Opted to go without a sweatshirt. If I was chilly, so be it.
I tried to play with Kacey, but Jack occupied my mind. In some ways, marrying Jack would solve a lot of issues. I could probably stay off of Chris’ radar longer. We might get a minute of stability at Jack’s. Life with Chris had been a mesh of chaotic and mundane. We were trapped there. Stuck in a cycle of same-ness, yet living on a precipice, wondering when our lives were going to explode. I did my best to shield Kacey from the turmoil.
Guilt set in for the millionth time. Stuff could’ve been so different.
Jack said we could divorce and go our separate ways after we got the money. Although I dreamed of freedom, I knew it wouldn’t be that simple. At some point, Jack and I would have to discuss the truth.
Then our ties wouldn’t be severed so easily.
Years ago, I was madly in love with Jack. But things change. He hurt me in ways I never dreamed possible. He distanced himself from me during my most vulnerable moments. I would never forgive him for that.
If I had a lick of common sense, I could’ve predicted our marriage would end the way it did, but I didn’t realize until the damage to my heart was already done.
Jack handled the difficulties in our marriage with self-preservation and avoidance. He was programmed that way.
A deep sigh pressed into my chest.
